“I need to set a boundary so people don’t walk all over me! I need to stand up for myself!” Ever find yourself thinking or even saying these words in the heat of a situation? Perhaps you’ve not had these specific thoughts but maybe you’ve had a similar response to an unpleasant situation. If you have, I encourage you to stop, wait, and step back.
Now you may be wondering what in the world I mean by that. “Stop? Wait? Step back? You mean just let people walk all over me?” No, not at all. What I mean is that you cannot control what other people say and do, you can only control your response. You must first decide what you’ll tolerate being around. This is the core definition of a well-defined boundary. Then, more importantly, you must determine how you’ll respond if people violate your boundary and then follow through on that. This is essential to both physical and emotional health. So let’s talk about what a boundary is, what it’s not, and how to execute a plan for defending your boundaries.
“Boundaries are not about standing up for yourself. Boundaries are not about other people not walking all over you. Boundaries are about you. Boundaries are about you taking care of you.” – Dr. Sara Dill
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