Welcome to another episode of The Dynamics of Everyday Life. In today’s episode, I tackle the frustrating world of the “non-apology”—those pseudo-apologies that leave us feeling worse than before, often making us question our own experiences.
Explores classic examples like “I’m sorry you feel that way” and “I’m sorry if anyone was offended,” highlighting how these statements shift blame onto the recipient instead of acknowledging responsibility.
What’s really going on when someone gives a non-apology? I dive into defense mechanisms—rationalisation, denial, projection, and splitting—that drive people to avoid taking true accountability, even at the cost of their relationships.
[00:01:09] Examples of Non-Apologies
Discussion of classic non-apology phrases like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and what makes them frustrating.
[00:01:54] Why Non-Apologies Feel Hollow
Exploring the lack of personal responsibility and the role of defense mechanisms like rationalisation.
[00:02:55] Defense Mechanisms: Rationalisation, Denial & Gaslighting
How these defense mechanisms show up, including rationalisation, denial, and elements of gaslighting.
[00:03:47] Projection and Blame-Shifting
Explanation of projection and how blame is shifted onto others, especially when emotions run high.
[00:04:41] Case Study: Boris Johnson and Partygate
Recap of the pandemic restrictions, Boris Johnson’s response to Partygate, and public reaction.
[00:06:09] Analysis of the Public Apology
I critique Boris Johnson’s response and why it missed the mark on accountability.
[00:07:56] Non-Apologies in Everyday Life
Examples from family, friends, and the workplace. Touching on coaching perspectives and how to invite real repair.
[00:08:50] What Makes a Real Apology
I outline the structure of an effective apology and invites listeners to reflect on their own experiences.
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Where in your life have you encountered or offered a non-apology? What feelings did it bring up, and what might you (or they) have been trying to avoid?
Thanks for tuning in to another episode exploring the everyday dynamics we all encounter.
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