- The more accountability we take for our experience here – what happens to us, what we create, what we see as external or internal struggles – the more choices we have
o This is about ownership
o Ownership creates power and choice
- This isn’t about what you’re not
o Come from negative place
o Not strong enough
o Not smart enough
o Not disciplined enough
o That is all blame and fault finding
o Blame and fault finding are shame based
o
- Here’s the real difficulty, sometimes we judge ourselves for the things that we are taking accountability for
o Then we look to see how we can deflect that judgement
o When we beat our self up that often leads to deflecting which doesn’t feel good
o This goes wrong in the way that people/humans don’t like to be blamed or at fault so then we look to explain away the results in our life
o She didn’t meet my needs
o This just showed up on my screen
o There was a link in my feed
o That food wasn’t supposed to be in the pantry
- You try to deflect judgment
- In the process of deflecting judgement, you relinquish accountability.
- Here is one of the secrets that I want you to take away from this, You can be accountable without judging.
- There are two words that you can eliminate from your vocabulary to help you do this.
- Should and Shouldn’t.
- You’re a human, you’re going to make mistakes
- Saying I should have done this or I shouldn’t have done that
- I should be more
- I shouldn’t be so bad
- I shouldn’t have slipped up
- Taking should and shouldn’t out of your vocabulary all together will help in this process of taking accountability without judgement.
- You aren’t perfect, I’m not perfect, no one is.
- Take accountability without taking blame.
- Let’s talk about areas where we can take accountability
- There are three areas
- Some call it the cognitive triangle –
- Brooke Castillo calls it the Model
- – most of us just know it as the things we have control over in our lives -
- Thoughts, feelings and actions
- Elder Uchtdorf had a great Instagram post where he was writing on a sheet of paper just a quick reminder, it seems
- I have control over my: Thoughts, Feelings, Actions.
- So, 3 questions: Why not always take accountability for these three things?
- How do I take back accountability for these three things?
- And why will that help me have greater self mastery?
- Let’s quick define Actions:
o Every one of my clients comes to me with one of two problems
o I’m doing but I can’t stop
o I want to start doing but I can’t
§ I’m using
