In this episode my mother, Diane DeLuzio, shares what it is like to be a Gold Star Mother after losing her son (my brother) in Afghanistan.
We talk about the coping mechanisms she used and how that turned into an outlet to help others.
Links and Resources
Scott DeLuzio: 00:00 Hey everybody, this is the Drive On Podcast where we talk about issues affecting veterans after they get out of the military. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio. And now let’s get on with the show.
Scott DeLuzio: 00:15 Hey everyone, thanks for tuning into the Drive On Podcast. Today I have Diane DeLuzio who is not only my mother but also a Gold Star Mother. We’re going to talk about some of the things that she found to be helpful and also not so helpful throughout her grieving process after losing her son and my brother. So, I’ll let you introduce yourself and maybe talk a little bit about becoming a Gold Star mother and how that whole process kind of took place.
Diane DeLuzio: 00:41 Hi. Thanks for having me. When both you and Steven were deployed to Afghanistan in 2010, I worried because I’m a worrier. Even when there’s nothing to worry about, I still worry. But what I worried about was that you were going to be deployed and you were going to miss the first year of your son’s life and maybe bonding with him would be difficult. With Steven, I worried about things like, I saw a picture of him smoking and I thought maybe he was going to become a smoker and wouldn’t be able to quit. Those are the kinds of things that I worried about. I don’t think I let my mind worry about tragedy, where somebody lost a limb or worse-case scenario, didn’t come home alive. I didn’t worry about those things. But that’s what happened on August 22, 2010. We got a knock on the door and two uniformed soldiers were standing at our front door and the first reaction was, which one?
Diane DeLuzio: 01:45 Because we knew why they were there. We just didn’t know whether it was you or Steven. And it was very difficult those first hours and days and weeks, especially the first hours and days because you weren’t home either. As a mom, I was also worried about you and thinking you were there alone. But I also came to learn that you weren’t alone and neither was Steve when he died because the army or military service in general [takes care of their own.] I’ve come to know from the army’s perspective that they take care of you. They helped you to get home as quickly as you could. They provided an opportunity for you to escort Steve from Afghanistan and I know that there were people who loved and cared for Steven who were with him when he died.
Diane DeLuzio: 02:37 And as a mom, I didn’t come to realize that until almost a year later. But it really was a healing thing for me to know that Steven didn’t die alone. It is at that point that I really learned what a Gold Star Mother was. Prior to that, I was a Blue Star Mother times two and I had a Blue Star flag hanging in my front door. Blue Star just means you have service members of your family in active duty or in the service. And that was you and Steve. But after Steven died, I joined a club that no one wants to join, it’s the Gold Star Mothers. And that’s just someone who has lost a son or daughter in service to our country.
Scott DeLuzio: 03:26 So, after all that happened, obviously Steve came home and we had all sorts of different services and things like that that were presented to us and made available to us through the milita...
