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Lords:
Topics
- 5:12 Reading non-religious texts as scripture.
- 18:13 I just found out that "pitched battle" means "pitch" as in "sales pitch" as opposed to "fever pitch."
- 24:01 How do you really use carrier pigeons?
- 32:05 Larry asks: "Which ship is the best one?"
- 40:53 One of two ways of doing a thing.
- 52:17 The switch in ancient Greece from clothed to naked sports.
Microtopics:
- Taking a bite out of a cartoon bird and leaving a tooth-shaped hole, like a cookie.
- Empire Records now being more real than Tower Records.
- Not remembering record stores.
- Mowing your face into a lawn made of tiny green clones of you.
- Trusting that in a couple years your record will be classic enough that dads will want it for Christmas.
- Trying to glean philosophy and life lessons out of the Bible even if you don't believe it's real.
- Trying to glean philosophy and life lessons out of Harry Potter even if you don't believe it's real.
- Star Wars being more real than Tower Records.
- Mixing methamphetamines and marriage.
- Language changing to mean the thing people misunderstand it to mean.
- Drinking tea and watching war as if it's a sport.
- Wearing enormous flags so people can see at a glance how the battle is going.
- Pantsed and unpantsed meaning the same thing.
- The union of shells and the union of unshelledness.
- The dude whose job it is to take homing pigeons away from home.
- Homing pigeons basically being a rubber band.
- Defcon attendees hacking the pigeon timestamp machine to win the pigeon race.
- Buying a signed shot polisher from the guy who won the International Barista Championships.
- Going to the barista gym up keep your skills up between barista gigs.
- Coming back from your barista sabbatical and discovering all coffee is now made in node.js.
- Not letting anyone else use the espresso machine you convinced management to pay for.
- Being both a barista and a bard at GitHub.
- Singing to GitHub employees a tale of the GitHub CEOs valor.
- The Roman alphabet existing in the Star Wars universe.
- Being a huge fan of Dyson spheres.
- Shamefully burying your fanfic in the desert, like E.T.
- Wanting to live in a pile of garbage.
- Wanting to live in a desert house, but not in the desert itself.
- Forming complex structures using simple rules.
- Wizards just pooping on the ground and magicking it away.
- Being furious when someone peels a banana wrong.
- Orienting your toilet paper so it's harder for cats to unroll.
- Cats sticking their paws under the door.
- Being sad because the doors are too flush with the ground for a cat paw to say hi.
- Bringing your guitar case to lure your cat admirer away from you.
- Waking up screaming about raccoons.
- A cat's ability to form a mental model of the world.
- Unloading the front door from memory when you get to the second floor.
- Never getting the dog you wanted so you get an iguana instead.
- Waking up snuggling a cold handbag.
- Whether lizards snuggle with sleeping deer in the wild.
- Earnestly proposing a Utopia ruled by you and your friends.
- Doing the Olympics naked being a week-long fad at best.
- Soccer fandoms gaining political power and going to war with one another.
- Soccer's popularity fading immediately after its invention, being just one of millions of microsports.
- Going into the wrestling pit with a spring loaded revolver up your sleeve.
- Voting somebody off the island of Earth.
- Biting open your cell phone tooth and the liquid going into a mold in your stomach shaped like a cell phone and pooping out a cell phone.
- There also being a mold for a cell tower in your stomach.
- Being qualified to gatekeep a culture because you once dated someone of that culture.
