Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords)
Lords:
* Jesse is @thefringthing on Twitter.
* Avery has a Facebook somewhere and if you find it you can ask him whether he's playing any live shows.
Topics:
* 2:03 Math problems that are easy to explain but unsolved or unsolvable.
* https://www2.stetson.edu/~efriedma/squinsqu/
* 13:28 The list of Mr. Potato Head's accomplishments on his Wikipedia page makes him sound like a real person who was perhaps an ambassador.
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr.PotatoHead
* https://www.ashrita.com/about/
* 23:36 Hypothesis: a steadily tedious job becomes bearable when you procrastinate and then do it in short, frenetic bursts
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fishladder
* Salmon cannon. https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/animals/a28678200/fish-tube-video/
* 35:25 Kaz asks: your conversation about language changing to people's misunderstandings reminded me of how "pitted" olives have no pits in them, and how "inflammable" is confusing, so "flammable" was coined.
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto-antonym
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunkedterm
* 44:33 Theory: humans are unconsciously driving the evolution of some kinds of small birds toward cuter features and behaviors.
* Samurai-lookin' crab. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heikegani
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BattleofDan-no-ura
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepperedmothevolution
* 48:10 The "Please Call Stella" accent database
* http://accent.gmu.edu/browselanguage.php?function=detail&speakerid=145
* WMAC Masters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqJSKeBKCM0
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XFL(2020) and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XFL_(2001)
* Slam Ball TOP PLAYS. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PPuV7jK33k
Microtopics:
* Writing a song and realizing that you just wrote Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies by mistake.
* Not the coolest thing to accidentally be ripping off.
* Rapidly shutting down the entire idea of introducing yourself.
* Continuing to talk about about how mysterious Jesse is.
* The question of whether a problem that has been proven unsolvable is as solved as it can be.
* Asking two people to simultaneously explain Goldbach's Conjecture.
* Four followed by more zeroes that would be in a trillion.
* Determine whether the RDA of Iron is a multiple of two primes while choosing a can of soup.
* Hitting the last prime number and running out.
* Paul Erdos' advice for dealing with aliens who request Diagonal Ramsey Numbers.
* Avery's favorite math proof.
* Explaining to your bosses that your current task is technically uncomputable.
* Not being able to elaborate on packing arc segments because biotech analysts might have you killed.
* Yelling excitedly about graph isomorphism at the gym and tripping the Lunk Alarm.
* Disappointment that Mr. Potato Head doesn't have an honorary doctorate.
* Mr. Potato Head's presidential physical fitness award.
* Potato cannibalism.
* Most Votes For Mr. Potato Head In A Political Campaign.
* Everyone who has finished Super Mario Bros. 2 in front of a Twin Galaxies representative.
* A strange man lurking behind you while you play Mario, writing down your score.
* The guy 120 Guinness World Records, or 119 if you don't count the "Most Guinness Records Held At Once" record.
* Potato sack racing a yak across the Mongolian desert.
* Most Yaks Raced Through The Mongolian Desert. (1)
* The near worldwide tie of Most Guinness Records Not Held At Once.
* Walking using shovels as stilts.
* Most balloons inflated to inches in one hour. (671)
* Slicing potatoes while hopping on a shovel.
* Inheriting two shovels from your uncle's estate and trying to figure out what world records you can set using them.
* Longest distance continuously somersaulting. (12 miles)
* Whether cartwheeling for 12 miles is more strenuous than somersaulting for 12 miles.
* Jumping on a pogo stick until your O2 tank is depleted.
* Sleeping holding a brick.
* Most Injuries Not Incurred Trying To Break World Records.
* Trying to remember Fish Ladders but being derailed by the Fish Cannon.
* Taking a break from counting fish.
* Not performing any medicine for 10 hours and then in the next hour frantically performing 10x as much medicine as you normally would.
* Buying a short-range electric car to teach yourself to plan better.
* Being really confused by the turtle appearing on your dashboard and then the car turning off.
* A dashboard light that's like the no smoking sign except instead of a cigarette it's a picture of your car.
* Sneaking onto a billionaire's estate to furtively charge your Nissan Leaf.
* Looking at security cam footage and seeing that you gave electricity to Doctor Who in a time of need.
* The incredible variety of charge ports on a Nissan Leaf.
* Having trophies ready to distribute as soon as you're allowed to leave the house.
* Ordering yourself a "best attitude" trophy.
* The gradient of a trophy's meaninglessness.
* Ordering a bunch of trophies from Crown Awards and subsequently every ad you see being for Crown Awards.
* Delving too deep into what a trophy is until it loses all meaning.
* Realizing you could've ordered trophies better and throwing your existing trophies in the trash.
* Passions being both flammable and inflammable.
* Words that have changed meanings because of persistent misunderstandings.
* Having a story about corn husks.
* Holding a corn husk in the grocery store and saying "Ah! Corn husks!"
* Explaining to schoolchildren that they used corn husks to wipe before toilet paper was invented but the children don't know what husks are so they assume you mean corn cobs.
* Not eating the crabs that look like your forefathers.
* Paying more attention to cats who cry at the same frequency as human babies.
* Not eating the moths that look more like the soot-covered trees they're hiding on.
* Sphinx Of Black Quartz, Judge My Vow except for the IPA.
* Comparing accents visually.
* Inventing new accents to compensate for accents merging into each other.
* Having a particularly grating way of speaking and blaming it on being from San Francisco.
* Your dead relative not listening to this podcast.
* Whether or not Dragon's Lair is a pun.
* Yelling like a soda jerk when the order is ready and nobody coming to pick it up because they can't understand what you're saying.
* The British TV show that Sanford & Son was based on.
* Memorizing your favorite carnival barker pitch and reciting it unprompted at family gatherings.
* Field recordings of carnival barkers from the 1950s.
* Pro Wrestling somehow retaining its weird 19th-century carny-speak for over a century.
* Channeling the dark energy from your urn while you fight Hulk Hogan.
* WMAC Masters, the martial arts tournament series with health bars on the screen.
* If Undertaker and Hulk Hogan were trucks.
* Hockey except you play it with a basketball and there are trampolines on the floor.
* Taking basketball and making it extreme.
* Sitting around until one of you thinks of a way to end the show.
