Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords)
Lords:
* April is a beast lord and Jim's wife. @AprilSaur
* Ryan is somehow also Jim's wife? @RyanIkeComposer
Topics:
* 3:56 The "spigot question" Jim keeps avoiding.
* https://norse-mythology.org/gods-and-creatures/others/hugin-and-munin/
* A second person may be "cured" of HIV. https://www.vox.com/2019/3/5/18249607/hiv-cure-2019
* 13:05 New Decade reading resolution.
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheWitcher
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SeananMcGuire
* http://www.scp-wiki.net/antimemetics-division-hub
* I personally recommend starting with "Introductory Antimemetics," which is a good intro to the concepts, then everything starting at "Case Colourless Green," which is the main storyline.
* https://shadesofmagic.fandom.com/wiki/ADarkerShadeofMagic
* 22:54 What does the Nakatomi corporation do?
* http://www.scp-wiki.net/
* https://movies.stackexchange.com/questions/33713/was-nakatomi-corp-involved-in-illegal-activity
* 31:07 Favorite zoo animal.
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embryonic_diapause
* 40:07 What sandwiches are better suited to a straight or diagonal cut?
* 44:28 I stayed in a hotel in Florence in 2009 where our room had a private bidet but the whole floor shared a toilet.
Microtopics:
* Making a good dad joke on twitter.
* The ravens that have been building a nest behind your corpyard at work.
* The squabbling raven couple next door.
* Being the neighbor who didn't call animal control.
* Trying to remember the names of Odin's ravens.
* Distributing podcast episodes in a post-internet wasteland.
* The kid in middle school who guessed you were from New York because of how you say "basketball."
* Why Jim is such a coward.
* Reaching deep into the topic bucket and pulling out a black ichorous monster.
* A garden hose spigot installed in your butt such that poop sprays forward instead of down.
* Bodily fluids canceling each other out when you miss the toilet and so you just end up with a wet wall.
* Liking ketchup so much you CRISPR a biological ketchup dispenser into your elbow.
* Accidentally triggering your ketchup hands when you're icing a cake.
* Putting a cap on your ketchup elbow so you don't drip ketchup everywhere.
* Whether your new dispenser is a squishy flesh hose or a brass steampunk spigot.
* Reframing your fleshy protuberance that shoots someone else's blood to sound scary and eldritch.
* A spigot that shoots liquid money.
* Making up for your horrifying blood pranks by giving blood.
* Whipping blood into stiff peaks.
* Carnivorous merengue.
* Using science to make human blood safe to eat.
* Letting the listeners hear the good podcast juice.
* Falling down on your New Year's resolution starting in March.
* Watching the Witcher show and then reading the Witcher short stories it was based on and knowing exactly what's going to happen.
* Alchemy and math and words.
* Whether or not reading on a screen still counts.
* Reading your driver's license every night before you go to bed.
* Getting hungry immediately after the body spigot discussion.
* Being over your meal by the time you're done cooking it.
* Assembling duck a l'orange ingredient by ingredient in your tummy and by the time you finish cooking it you're like "I've already eaten this."
* Something standing right in front of you that you can't perceive.
* Deciding not to read scary stories to your wife right before bed.
* Getting ready for prose form, motherfuckers.
* Trying to remember someone's name and only remembering that they have initials.
* Medieval fantasy Londons and their relationships to magic.
* Reading ahead in the tabletop adventure book.
* A vault with 8 different kinds of locks on it, filled with non-negotiable bearer bonds.
* A regular bearer bond except you can't negotiate for it.
* A non-negotiable bond except you can hold it.
* The database documenting the contents of the warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
* Manufacturing tiny toy guns and not being able to fight back against terrorists because your guns are too small.
* Explaining why your tiny gun manufacturer has a money basement.
* Tiny toy guns using only the tiniest gunpowder.
* Writing the first season of your mystery show with the certainty that it'll be canceled after one season.
* Having to figure out what polar bears are after your show gets renewed.
* When a duck decides to start whispering its quacks.
* The most convenient jaguar.
* Biting each other in the face and having a good Bear Time.
* Bats' closest relatives being humans because all their other relatives died.
* Delaying gestation until everyone's pregnant at once.
* Bats all giving birth at the same time and overwhelming the health care system.
* A zoo except for the sea.
* Watching a jellyfish enclosure and asking "what are they doing in there?"
* Plastic bags floating around in the sea except they're alive and they'll still be alive after you're dead.
* The universe being a big stupid donut.
* Nobody giving a shit that you read Great Expectations.
* Garfield being the great literature of the coming era.
* Allegorical lasagna.
* Caramelizing all your onions at once.
* Cutting your sandwich into a pair of rhombuses.
* Sitting on a stack of the most prestigious award in the country.
* Figuring out what axis you can cut a hamburger on diagonally.
* When the burrito guy folds your burrito wrong and the first bite is entirely sour cream.
* Burrito Gaia, filled with loam, mantle and magma.
* Naming your next kid after your least-favorite burrito.
* The food dictator making you a cup of Crispix when all you wanted was grilled cheese.
* The puzzle with the farmer trying to get a hen, fox and grain across the river except it's your butt, your poop, and a jet of water.
* Taking it to squirts-town.
* Building a hotel before they invented the combination toilet/bidet.
* The french word for when you take a dump in somebody's bidet.
* Hygiene strategies if a bird poops on your butthole.
* The nose being an evolutionary strategy to protect our mouths from bird poop.
* Dunking your whole ass in the ass-height sink.
* Just making zoo noises until you've reached the required minimum podcast length.
