Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords)
Lords:
* Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com.
* Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/
Topics:
* 2:42 Suddenly Anxiety and OCD are culturally adaptive behaviors.
* 8:16 Opening negotiations with your real-life employer to get them to pay you in Nook Miles
* 13:44 Animal Crossing speed runs
* Animal Crossing 100% in 19h25m. https://www.speedrun.com/ac/run/y21ejk7z
* Animal Crossing New Horizons All Debts in 1h52m. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdH-pj1ZUac
* Super Mario Sunshine Lockout Bingo at AGDQ 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch3eSzem1v4
* Animal Crossing Lockout Bingo. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hhgu-fObME
* 20:23 Gary asks: "Printing Toilet Paper at Home"
* How to make paper out of blue jeans. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPdZPvMVMZk
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChankDiesel
* 26:54 Owning 5.25" floppies & suddenly having to be aware of magnets again as a threat in your life
* Masquerade. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masquerade%28book%29
* France's 25-year treasure hunt for a golden owl. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-45005072
* 32:20 Apocalypse gardening and warlord potential
* 37:52 Amazon took Murder She Wrote away from us
* 47:07 Winding up with more social obligations than you had before quarantine
Microtopics:
* Being confident in your recording setup because you're too lazy to verify it.
* The old lady who lives in your ductwork who you can't hear because she only shrieks exactly when you're talking.
* Finding out about the apocalypse from a podcast recorded months ago.
* The subtle distinction between self care and overeating.
* Feeling better about your anxiety disorder because the world has gotten worse to meet your mood.
* A behavior that looks maladaptive but must secretly be awesome because it has survived for millennia.
* A poltergeist that keeps turning your stove off.
* Worshipping gods that turn out to be evil aliens.
* Trying to make "Christian Splinter Faiths" scan to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme.
* Going for the cosmetic upgrade before the inventory upgrade and causing your partner physical pain.
* Clearcutting the entire island you're visiting because when you leave it will cease to exist.
* Harvesting trees in a checkerboard pattern because they grow better that way.
* A financial startup specializing in converting British pounds to Nook miles.
* Putting pounds and dollars in the same bank account and they crossbreed while they're in there.
* 100%-ing Animal Crossing as fast as possible.
* Speed runs that are entertaining to describe but not to watch.
* Bingo races as the improvisation-heavy antidote to rote speed runs.
* Forcing Caleb Hart to livestream Mega Man X any time anyone listens to this episode.
* Feeding toilet paper into your inkjet printer to create a cool pattern to wipe your ass with.
* Using Silly Putty to copy the stock market info from the newspaper.
* Not being able to print toilet paper with your 3D printer, but printing a bidet instead.
* Running out of toilet paper and 3D printing corn husks.
* Buying the Taco Bell Grande Meal to eat the beans out of the burrito and then wiping your ass with the corn tortilla and wax paper wrapper.
* Skipping a step and putting the burrito right in the toilet.
* Introducing an awesome person to your friend and then ruining them in the very next sentence.
* The outside of the printer paper protecting you from the horrifying inside of the toilet paper.
* Pulping spare blue jeans to manufacture your own artisanal toilet paper.
* Figuring out how to put your front yard in your back yard to hide it from the HOA.
* Reporting your neighbor to the HOA for weeds in the middle of a global pandemic.
* Getting notices from the HOA that you need to power wash your driveway and power washing the words "fuck you" into it.
* Confusing Day of the Dead and Cinco De Mayo because they both happen in the same year.
* An object you need to keep safe from magnets.
* Advice on dealing with floppy disks in the Year of our Lord 2020.
* Something in France that hasn't been found yet.
* A Wikipedia list of things that have not been found in France.
* Burying a microtransaction-heavy game in the desert and hoping the person who finds it is a whale.
* Throwing a microtransaction-heavy game into the ocean and it traveling back in time and Captain Ahab hears about it and becomes obsessed with finding the whale who owns it.
* Trying to think of a really big expensive home and your brain coming back with "a bucket!"
* The train stopping slightly and thinking "maybe society is breaking down" and then the train starting again and thinking "I guess I'll just go to my boring job."
* Part of you wanting to live in interesting times and be part of historical events.
* Bringing your axe made out of a sharpened hubcap to work because Phil's allowed to bring his Leatherman.
* Not being able to train to be a warlord in the post-apocalypse because during the apocalypse all the MMA gyms are closed.
* Realizing that Amazon Prime Video doesn't have Murder She Wrote any more and wanting to just burn it all down.
* The magical time in your life when you thought Netflix's selection of streaming video would only keep getting bigger.
* Conflating Murder She Wrote with the Golden Girls.
* Deadpanning ridiculous things that happen in St. Olaf, Minnesota.
* Angry texts from your mom about how you ruined Murder She Wrote by telling her about the theory that Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer.
* A big city businesswoman looking to take over her parents' failing Christmas ornament shop.
* CG compositing Christmas ornaments into the background of every shot of Golden Girls.
* Everybody playing online games all the time now because their extrovert friends have figured out the Internet.
* Extroverts agreeing to watch speed runs with you because they're desperate to talk to anybody.
* Finding an eight hour smooth jazz video and eventually realizing it's two minutes of smooth jazz looping for eight hours.
* Trying to solve playing music with friends over the Internet.
* Solving the problem of jamming with friends over the Internet by only playing music with precogs.
* Sticking it to the HOA by dressing up as a weed and when they come by to report you, jumping out and yelling "I'm no weed, I'm a guy!"
