Join us for this week's episode of the Coach Code Podcast with Matt Townsend as we talk about life, business, and whatever else we dive into. Over the last few decades, Matt has dedicated his life to the study of communication and interpersonal relationships. Matt worked as a lead presenter for the industry leader, Franklin Covey, for many years. About 20 years ago he founded the Townsend Relationship Center where he has been able to share his expertise on relationships, communication, anxiety, and conflict resolution with thousands of clients ranging from individuals, married couples, and parents, to large corporations such as CNN, Cox Communications, and Lockheed Martin. Dr. Matt earned his bachelor's and master's degrees in Communication, a second master's degree in Human Development, and a doctoral degree (PhD) in Human Development. He is a weekly contributor to KSL TV's show "Studio 5 with Brooke Walker". Matt's book, Starved Stuff: The 7 Basic Needs of Healthy Relationships, is a popular pick among those searching for better relationship skills. He also has many online programs available on marriage, dealing with anxiety, and parenting. Matt is active in his church and community and enjoys swimming, playing tennis, and spending time with his wife, Mardi of 31 years, and his 6 children, 4 in-law children, and 3 grandchildren. Show Notes: [1:24] Matt's story Let us have a sneak peek of Matt's story and how he got into his passion of using channeling proper communication to resolve conflicts in relationships. [7:30] Lessons learned while working with Stephen Covey Matt shares his unforgettable encounter with Stephen and how he emulated real, caring, loving, and get-real conversations he had with it. [11:34] How to resolve arguments There is a cool trick that Matt uses in order to resolve any discussion or argument. But the first thing is always the same - don't judge. [13:22] Where do most people struggle with their communication The root of all struggles in communication is when people just talk and do not listen. They do not know how to sit in the space and suspend. [15:44] The U-Shape Model in communication Matt discusses the evolution of conversation from politeness into conflict if we are unable to recognize the regression that's taking place and just simply react to it. [18:19] The 3 vital signs in communication There are 3 signs that a conversation is going sideways and Matt discusses how can we be conscious when these signs occur. [24:28] Where trust can be built People can't maintain negative emotions while they're venting out and they see that we are making a conscious effort to understand them. If we can hold the space for them, that's where trust is built. [26:23] Getting our emotions into neutral The first step is to recognize your emotion and detect what your intent is. Emotions are designed to move you. [30:25] Figuring out your emotional script Matt discussed an example of where we can hijack our old emotional script and what can you do at the present to figure out what our new emotional script could be. [37:14] The 4 roles in a conversation There are 4 roles in a conversation: the mover, the follower, the opposer, and the bystander. Conflicts arise because of disputes between the mover and the opposer but the powerful thing is that a bystander can resolve the conflict by offering new information. [45:30] Becoming effective leaders Matt shows that for any leader to be able to handle the crazy flow of life, you've got to know your strengths. No one can compete with you when you master your top 6 strengths because you've put your fingerprint on them.
