From a young age, you've learned how to don various masks for different people. The problem with this is these masks aren't the real you.
But somewhere along the way, whether due to societal pressures, parenting, religious upbringing, or any other variable, you learn that it's safer to be someone else instead of you.
This strategy can work for a while. It's how both Dr. Zac from Movember and I have gotten through life. But it always fails in the long-run because stacking up achievements (personal, professional, or fitness) can't give you the unbridled joy you're desperately seeking.
The good news is that there's a solution. But the bad news is that it's difficult and takes a long time.
The solution?
Learning how to stop overthinking and underfeeling. This is particularly hard for men because we've been conditioned to think instead of feel.
But learning to feel is perhaps the single most important skill you can hone.
In this episode, Dr. Zac and I share the messy story of how we're both trying to feel more and think less - and we invite you to join us.
We also discuss:
How to take off the masks you're wearing that undermine your growth
The overthinking and underfeeling crisis that's affecting men
How the term "toxic masculinity" is unhelpful and harmful to men
Other highlights from the show include:
How men who do both theater or music and sports in high school don a mask that hinders their personal growth later in life (2:19)
The insidious way fear discusses itself as freedom of choice (and why this wrecks your relationship, including the one with yourself) (7:20)
The disorienting "generational trauma" trap that nearly every guy falls into (and how to realize these feelings were never even yours) (15:58)
Why men are so much better at thinking about their emotions rather than feeling about them - including Dr. Zac and myself (22:15)
The "feeling is the solution" skill that can help you stop overthinking and underfeeling (22:59)
How unleashing the grief monster gives you catharsis without drowning in your sadness (40:53)
Why "toxic masculinity" has morphed into a meaningless catch-all term for bad behavior (and how this undermines men across society) (47:25)
Listen now!
Guest bio:
Dr. Zac Seidler is a clinical psychologist, researcher and leading men's mental health expert. He currently holds dual roles as Global Director of Men's Health Research at Movember and Associate Professor with Orygen at the University of Melbourne. Zac has dedicated his academic and professional career towards further understanding men's mental health and masculinity. His ultimate goal is to help reduce the staggering rates of male suicide and domestic violence worldwide. Through his research, Zac has advocated for a change in the way we think about treating men's distress. As part of his research, he has uniquely focused on creating mental health services that account for masculinity. This has evolved into a fully funded project, Men in Mind, the world's first training program for mental health clinicians, to help them better understand and respond to men's distress and suicidality.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
1. Download Movember's Report, The Real Face of Men's Health here: https://us.movember.com/the-real-face-of-mens-health
2. Follow Dr Zac Seider:
Website: https://www.zacseidler.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zacseidler/
3. Man Flow Yoga - Start your 7-day free trial here: https://shrtlnk.co/kP8M7
