What if restoring impossible relationships just required knowing what's on the other side?
In this episode, Greg Stephens shares how 24 years as a master trainer for Crucial Conversations taught him that breakthroughs aren't permanent until they're practiced over and over. That realization led him to shift from training to coaching, creating a six-month program where executives and emerging leaders have conversations they never thought possible. His specialty? Seeing relationships like some people see music, orchestrating conversations where people show up as their best.
Greg also reveals why his mentor Bill Solomon intentionally made his welding job miserable before college, teaching him the resilience he'd need to push through Baylor surrounded by wealthy students. Most powerfully, he explains "emotional accounting": why putting off a Friday conversation until Monday doesn't just ruin your weekend, it costs you exponentially more on the back end.
[00:04:44] What Alignment Resources Does
Company goal: everyone eats at the trough (trainers train, coaches coach, sales people sell, speakers speak)
Greg's specialty lives in areas of difficult relationships, everyone has at least one
Works with relationships that seem impossible
Application of Crucial Conversations tools for talking when stakes are high
[00:05:40] Twenty-Four Years Teaching Crucial Conversations
Was master trainer in Crucial Conversations, taught it for 24 years starting in 2001
Before the book was written, it was called "Path to Dialogue" then "Dialogue Smarts"
One of first master trainers, stayed until January this year when he released his book
Got to travel the world, train on stage, do keynote talks
[00:06:00] Why Breakthroughs Need Practice
People would take class, have great experience, have aha breakthrough moments
Found that breakthroughs aren't permanent until they're practiced over and over
If you want permanence around a breakthrough, you've gotta go do something
That piece was lacking, so decided to shift business to coaching
[00:06:20] The Six Month Coaching Program
About six month program, 20 different weeks
Teaching executives and emerging leaders (ages 21-28)
Wanted to teach younger generation what executives said "I wish I'd learned this 20, 30 years ago"
Most people say "I've had a coach before, this is nothing like it"
[00:07:00] Building Up and Completing Relationships
Build people up in relationships, let them go back and improve, clean up, or complete relationships
Complete doesn't mean never see person again (could, but doesn't have to)
Can work next to person and have completed relationship around an issue
It just doesn't show up for you anymore because you know where you stand, said what you need to say
[00:07:40] The Skills Most People Don't Have
Coaches and mentors say "you need to go have this conversation," but how?
There are skill sets you need, the application of them, and how to make adjustments
People talk about psychological safety but don't know how to create it
What to do when your emotions take hold or other person's emotions take hold
[00:08:20] How to Really Listen When You Disagree
How do you begin to really listen when you disagree with everything being said?
How do you get on the right topic?
Most people don't know how to dissect and break down conversations
Greg helps dissect it and break it down for people
[00:08:40] Executives on Retainer
Some executives don't want to learn all skill sets, just want someone to do it for them
Working with groups on retainer where they call when they have big problem
They lay out background, what they've done, then Greg lays out plan for conversation
Role plays exactly what might happen, clients say "it was like you were right there"
[00:10:00] When People Don't Show Up as Their Best
Sometimes people have breakdown, don't show up as their best, come back saying "I really blew it"
Great learning point, it needed to be this way
Limiting belief: thinking it's over when conversation goes badly
When you know these skills, you can go back over and over and reset
[00:11:20] What Drives Greg Most
Watching people restore relationships they thought were just not possible
Worked with police captains on issue, individual conversations showed no one thought it could be done
Scheduled for four sessions, had breakthrough after first session
One person took responsibility for their part, allowed everyone else to take responsibility
[00:13:00] It's Still Hard Even With Skills
People say "you have the skill, you should be able to do it"
Greg still doesn't like having difficult conversations
Doesn't want to have the conversation, but wants what's on the other side
"Stop looking at the conversation right now. Let's look at what you want beyond that."
[00:14:00] Work is Easy, Personal is Hard
When working with businesses, always eventually get to their personal lives
Those are the much more difficult conversations
Work is easy, we all want to make more money and enjoy work
Hardest ones are family businesses with so much emotion and unspoken hierarchy
[00:16:00] Bill Solomon Changed Everything
Gentleman who wrote forward to Greg's book, had heart transplant before writing it
Bill told Greg "I'm so glad you asked me to write the forward because I couldn't stop writing"
Two months later Bill had book of his own called "Losing Control" (in his seventies)
Was the person who pointed Greg toward something more in his life
[00:17:20] The Welding Job That Taught Resilience
Bill gave Greg job before college as welder's helper (Bill was CFO of company)
Told the guys "You're gonna like this guy I'm bringing in, but treat him like crap"
"Tear him down every day. Make him feel stupid. You're gonna begin to like him. Make it hard on him."
Never told Greg this was happening
[00:18:20] Breaking the Golden Handcuffs
Wouldn't have business today without Bill Solomon
Getting through Baylor, getting great job, then getting out of job and breaking golden handcuffs
Starting own business in 1999, none of that would've happened
Bill took interest, made it difficult on purpose, said "you're gonna be a great leader one day"
[00:21:40] Greg Reynolds Called Every Day
After Greg's divorce, Greg Reynolds called him every day for three months
All he said was "How you doing today? How you doing today?"
One of hardest times Greg ever went through
Showed Greg the power of that, he's done same thing for friend of his
[00:22:20] Taking Interest in People
If you really want to take interest in a person, find out what they're doing every day
Every one of these gentlemen shaped how Greg mentors others
Having conversations he never would've had, saying what he never would've said
Taking interest like Bill Solomon did, being there like his coaches
[00:24:40] "What Do You Want to Do?"
Woman was looking at situation from the past when she didn't have skills
Now she does have skills
"Question isn't what they want or what I want to do. It's what do you want to do?"
She got quiet: "I want to have the conversation."
[00:25:00] Over 20 Resets to Stay on Track
They practiced again, she went and had conversation
Wrote amazing email about how each time she had to stop herself and come back
Get conversation back on track by sharing your best intent
Had to do that more than 20 times
[00:28:20] Investing Upfront vs. Costing on Back End
If you add skillset and knew how to address it, you'd say "I'm not wasting my weekend"
Have conversation, no matter what outcome, it's out of you
Have entire weekend to problem solve whatever that was and learn about what you did
Used time wisely by investing upfront rather than it costing you on back end
[00:31:40] Marcus Newcomb Connection
Marcus Newcomb is special person, they hit it off
Greg has gotten to meet so many great people networking and marketing his book
Kevin is "the real deal"
KEY QUOTES
"Breakthroughs aren't permanent until they're practiced over and over. So if you want permanence around a breakthrough, you've gotta go do something." - Greg Stephens
"If you really want to take interest in a person, find out what they're doing every day." - Greg Stephens
"My life is built on the shoulders of all my friends and people in my life that have shown me so much." - Greg Stephens
CONNECT WITH GREG STEPHENS
🌐 Website: https://www.alignment-resources.com
💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gregstephens2
📚 Book: Build New Bridges: The Art of Restoring Impossible Relationships (Amazon)
🎙️ Podcast: A Shot of Inspiration
⏰ Office Hours: Weekly coaching forum (details on website)
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