Tammy J. Bond fires up the microphone for women leaders, challenging the pervasive habit of over-apologizing in professional settings. She argues that frequently defaulting to phrases like "I'm sorry, but..." or "This might not be the right time, but..." causes your apologies to show up louder than your actual leadership, draining your credibility and inviting doubt. This episode confronts the conditioning that leads women to wait to be invited instead of owning the room and provides a power move to replace apologies with confident, conscious confrontation.
The Apology Drain: Unnecessary apologies soften your voice and teach the room to doubt you, reducing your credibility right before your "mic drop moment."
The Real Reason Women Apologize More: Studies show both men and women apologize about 81% of the time when they agree something is an offense. However, women judge more situations as apology-worthy because of their heightened emotional awareness and ability to read the room. Apologizing is a sign of noticing, not a sign of weakness.
The Cost of Over-Apologizing: You are donating your credibility and putting doubt in place of confidence with your team.
The Power Move: Leadership presence means stepping in, being willing to confront—consciously, contagiously, and confidently—without apology.
Owning the Room: Men walk in and own the room; women often sit back and wait to be invited. It's time to own your voice and your space.
Stop apologizing for being direct, confident, bold, or clear. Save your "sorry's" for real harm you've caused.
Replace the Apology: Instead of starting with "I'm sorry, but..." or "I know we're almost out of time, but...," reframe your statement to be clear and convicted.
Old: "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have a question about the budget."
New: "Hold a minute. I want to bring up something about the budget before we run out of time."
Acknowledge, Don't Apologize (for stepping on toes): If you suspect you were overly direct, acknowledge the potential impact, but do not apologize for your assertiveness.
Statement: "I acknowledge that was very bold. Let's talk about how you feel about that."
Goal: You thank them for bringing it to your attention and ask how to make it different next time, ensuring you are not apologizing for being bold.
Ladies, stop apologizing. Start leading with conviction, confidence, clarity, and connection to the purpose of your conversation. Who are you not to?
