We’re happy to welcome return guest Kaya Oakes back to the podcast for this episode to talk about her new book, “Not So Sorry: Abusers, False Apologies, and the Limits of Forgiveness.” Kaya Oakes is a journalist and author of six books. Her essays and journalism have appeared in many publications. She is also a faculty member in the College Writing Programs at UC Berkeley, where she teaches creative nonfiction, composition, and research writing. In this conversation, Kaya Oakes discusses her multifaceted identity as a teacher, writer, and cancer survivor, while exploring themes of forgiveness, the writing process, and the complexities of social justice. She delves into the nuances of apologies, the importance of empathy, and the often weaponized nature of forgiveness in queer and trans communities. Kaya also shares insights from her new book, emphasizing the need for specificity in apologies and the interconnectedness of forgiveness, repentance, and reparations.
Takeaways
Kaya Oakes identifies as a teacher and writer with a focus on gender and health.
Her writing is often driven by personal obsessions and societal issues.
The writing process for Kaya is spontaneous and research-driven, often starting with a question.
Research is woven into the writing process, helping to answer complex questions.
Forgiveness can be weaponized, especially in queer and trans communities.
A good apology requires specificity and acknowledgment of harm done.
Empathy is crucial for genuine forgiveness and understanding.
Theological insights reveal that forgiveness is often oversimplified in Christian contexts.
Forgiveness, repentance, and reparations are interconnected but often misunderstood.
Finding joy in small things, like pets, can be a source of comfort.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background of Kaya Oakes
03:00 Writing Process and Creative Obsessions
05:59 Research and Writing Balance
08:56 Exploring the Theme of Forgiveness
11:58 The Complexity of Forgiveness in Queer and Trans Communities
15:05 Understanding Apologies and Their Impact
17:56 The Role of Empathy in Forgiveness
20:54 Theological Insights on Forgiveness
23:56 Untangling Forgiveness, Repentance, and Reparations
26:54 The Importance of Specificity in Apologies
29:57 Finding Joy in Everyday Life
Resources:
Previous episodes with Kaya Oakes:
Interview episode with Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg: Growing Up Suburban Jewish and Finding Your Faith
Not So Sorry: Abusers, False Apologies, and the Limits of Forgiveness by Kaya Oakes
Learn more about Kaya at https://www.oakestown.org/
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