Do you find yourself wishing that you could be more assertive and clear at work?
Chances are you have had situations that made you uncomfortable or just made you feel ineffective because you chose not to speak up. Maybe you want to set more boundaries with certain team members who are taking advantage of something or are not producing reasonable results. Whatever it is, the truth is that over time, just being nice will not move things forward for the individual and your work.
Paula makes the connection to the desire to be liked and not having agency. To have agency means you understand that you have a choice in the matter. And if you are only focused on being liked, then you are stifling your true self. For example, if you need certain things done or need a culture change with your team, how can this happen if you can't confidently and clearly communicate expectations?
In this episode Paula focuses on:
Why your team really wants you to be clear and confident
How the delivery of your assertive communication is what matters (respectful)
Why freeing yourself from the focus of being liked is actually one of the "nicest" things you can do for yourself and your team
Show Notes: reidnco.com/podcast
Timestamps:
[00:04:07] Paula: but the problem with that and the challenge with that is that This need to please people really impacts our ability to make clear decisions and to move forward effectively, because you're always trying to split the difference, right? You're always trying to get committee, What you need, but maybe backing off on getting all of it in the way you want it because you also are so concerned with what somebody thinks about you or, you know, are you being kind?
[00:06:47] Paula: And I coached a CEO who absolutely brought this Concern with her, uh, when she moved into this more senior level role in an organization and had always worked with this team. And then she was the person who got promoted to lead the organization and it became really imperative. That they like her. Now, she didn't realize that when we started our coaching engagement, when we started our coaching engagement, she thought she wanted them to respect her. And as we went along in the conversation, and we went along in our coaching engagement, after a couple of sessions, it finally became very clear to her that respect was really secondary to being liked.
[00:10:26] Paula: People like leaders who are decisive, people like leaders who are clear, and people like leaders who step in and deal with tough issues with confidence. So leave the liking part aside, that comes, comes from being respected a lot of times, not always. But a lot of times. Anyway, that is my conversation of the day on, uh, what things get in the way of our agency at times.
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