Description

If your child is escalating and you are escalating too, that is not a discipline problem. It is a nervous system moment.

In this conversation, I talk with Eva Crawford, LCSW-C, about what somatic work actually means and why it matters so much for parents of neurodivergent kids. Eva explains how many of us are not noticing what is happening in our own bodies until we are already fully triggered, and how that makes it much harder to respond the way we want to. We talk about interoception, trauma responses, shame, and the ways parents can start building awareness before they hit the point of yelling, shutting down, or spiraling.

We also get into one of my favorite parts of the conversation: Eva's smoke alarm analogy. She explains that some kids have incredibly sensitive nervous systems, so what looks like a huge overreaction may actually be a smoke alarm going off over crispy toast. The problem is that when the child's alarm sets off the parent's alarm too, nobody is helping the house feel safer. We talk about what repair really looks like, why your child cannot borrow calm from a dysregulated parent, and why you do not have to be perfectly healed to be a good parent. You just have to stay curious enough to keep learning.

Key Takeaways

• Somatic work starts with noticing the body sooner. Instead of waiting until you are in full panic, rage, or shutdown, somatic work helps you notice the earlier signs like tight shoulders, jaw tension, jitteriness, heat, or shallow breathing.
• Many parents are not reacting the way they want to because they are already escalated. That does not automatically mean they lack parenting knowledge. Often it means their nervous system is taking over before they can access the response they would prefer.
• Your child's distress can trigger your own unfinished material. If your reaction feels bigger than the moment calls for, that is often a clue that something older or deeper is being activated in you.
• Kids cannot borrow calm from a dysregulated parent. If you want to help a child regulate, you usually have to bring your own system down first, even if only by one notch.
• The goal is not to lecture the smoke alarm. When a child is in a full nervous system response, logic is not going to land. Safety, co-regulation, and lowered threat come first.
• Repair matters more than perfection. The rupture itself is not always what causes the most damage. What matters most is whether you come back, take responsibility, and reconnect.
• A real apology is about your behavior, not the child's feelings. You are not apologizing for their upset. You are apologizing for how you showed up when you were overwhelmed.
• Shame shuts down growth. Curiosity opens it back up. If you feel ashamed after a parenting moment, that can be a signal that there is something important to understand, not proof that you are failing.
• Parents need in-the-moment tools and long-term healing. A 30-second reset can help during a meltdown, but lasting change also comes from capacity building, self-compassion, therapy, coaching, and addressing old patterns.
• You do not have to be fully healed to be a good parent. You do need humility, awareness, and a willingness to keep making adjustments.

About Eva Crawford

Eva Crawford, LCSW-C, is a licensed clinical social worker and board-certified supervisor with more than a decade of experience providing holistic, trauma-informed care. Her work integrates somatic, narrative, DBT, and ACT approaches with a neurodiversity-affirming lens to support individuals and families navigating complex trauma, burnout, and major life transitions. Eva is known for creating a grounded, compassionate therapeutic space that emphasizes safety, sense of self, and meaningful change.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

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