What happens when life looks good on the outside, but you can't actually feel it?
In this episode, Sarah reads one of her personal essays, "I Could Have Been on That Boat and Felt None of It," and reflects on a season when she had so much of what she thought would make her feel better—but still felt flat, exhausted, and disconnected from herself.
She shares her experience of recognizing functional freeze and realizing that her nervous system had been running on survival and goal pursuit at the same time: pressing the brakes while the gas was still on the floor.
From there, Sarah describes the slow, unglamorous process of coming back online—first through resuscitation and pacing, then learning what actually brought her joy, followed by movement, expression, boundaries, and resourcing her nervous system enough to feel the full range of emotions again.
And eventually, the smallest things began to bring her alive: a black squirrel in New York City, sheer blouses, coaching lacrosse, a composting machine, sunlight through autumn leaves.
This is a story about burnout, functional freeze, joy, and the deeply embodied process of finding your way back to yourself.
