Erin Patchell:
G'day friends. And welcome back to another episode of Weirdos in the Workplace, where we discuss how authenticity, transparency, passion, and purpose leads to more visionary organizations. I'm your host, Erin Pachel, and today I have a very special guest with us. Everyone, meet Laura. Wellman, welcome to the podcast, Laura.
Lara Wellman:
Thanks for having me.
Erin Patchell:
Laura is a certified business coach who believes small business owners make more money, love the work they do, and still have time to enjoy their lives. She is a professional coach, delivers group programs, workshops, and events, is soon to be an author, and helps business owners get the clarity they need to take the right action for them and their businesses. We're really excited to have you.
Lara Wellman:
Thank you. I'm happy to be here.
Erin Patchell:
Awesome. Stay tuned.
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Erin Patchell:
Welcome to the show, Lara. And what are we talking about today?
Lara Wellman:
So I'm really excited to have a conversation about what it means to be authentically yourself, to trust who you are, to be the person that you are without feeling like you need to change things so that you can enjoy your work. Because I think a lot of us spend our times trying to be something else in order to get to that successful part of what it means to be in business. And really what a lot of what needs to happen is just to be more you and to figure out what that is so you can thrive and enjoy it.
Erin Patchell:
Yeah, I totally agree. What's the point of life and work if we can't love what we do and find some joy in the process and the outcome?
Lara Wellman:
Yeah. When we go into business and we decide that's what we want to do, a lot of the time people say to me, it's about finding freedom. It's about being able to do the things we want to do. And then suddenly people instead find themselves all like, I don't know, maybe this is even worse than before. And some of it is just because we don't allow ourselves to figure out how to just be okay with who we are, what's going on, and then use that to move forward. Yeah.
Erin Patchell:
I would consider you to be a fairly well known business coach in our community. It seems that everyone I talk to, they know exactly who you are and what you stand for and the different communities you've created over the years. And you've been around for a little while now. I'm curious, what inspired you to go down this path and become a business coach?
Lara Wellman:
So I've been a business owner for 16 years now. I've had a variety of businesses. My very first business was a clothing store. Then I did social media and marketing consulting. And it was about eight years ago that I decided I wanted to do business coaching specifically. And for me, it started with, as a marketing person, having people not really understand all the basics of what they needed in order to have a good marketing plan, right? So you say in order to have a good marketing plan, there's a certain amount of information that you need about your business in order to create a good plan. And so I would talk to people and be like, you don't have the information. So some people would say, you're going to need to talk to a business coach. You're going to need to go do this business planning. And I was like, I would like to help you figure that out. I really like that part. Yeah. And so that's how it happened. And so I just started doing a little bit, and then I went and did some training. And really for the last almost eight years, business coaching has been the thing that I'm doing first and foremost. And I love it because I'm helping people figure out not just how to get their name out there, but how to see where the possibility exists to make more money without it being this constant hustle struggle. That's such a big thing for me. I'm not a person with a ton of hustle energy, and so I'm like, well, how do we do it without hustle energy? Well, maybe we don't need to hustle. We just need to figure out what works and do more of that.
Erin Patchell:
How do you do that? How do you help people figure out what works?
Lara Wellman:
Tell me your secrets. Yeah. Part of it is figuring out what's not working right when you're having a conversation. One of the things I hear a lot are, I should be doing XYZ. This is what I should be doing. Okay, maybe not, but I hear it a lot. People have a lot of ideas of what they should be doing, and then I hear a lot of so I just need to do it. I just need to do it. Usually when I hear I just need to do it, it means they've been trying to do it for a long time and not doing it right. So it's just over and over again, I'm just going to do that thing that I have never been able to do before and I hate doing and I never do it. Okay, so just doing it means you've decided it's the only way to move forward and there's no other choice. I have to do it. If I want to be successful, I have to do this thing that is 100% not working. I just need to do it.
Erin Patchell:
And there's a big difference between I should do this and I just need to do this, isn't there?
Lara Wellman:
Well, there is, but they start to get locked together, right? I should do it. I need to do it. It grows. The longer you don't do it, the more people start beating themselves up and they're like, why just do this thing? Yeah.
Erin Patchell:
I'm always curious about what is a guilt focused or shame focused should versus a cognitive process. Like, this is a good strategic thing that I should be doing or whatever. You know what I mean? It's like, what am I doing for other people versus doing myself?
Lara Wellman:
Yeah. And I think should is often something like we've just been told has to happen. I want to do it. I do a lot of let's replace should with want to. I want to do that. Right. Not, I should do it. I want to do that. And if you don't want to do it, is there an alternative? There's almost always an alternative to how you can do a thing. And that's what I'm trying to look for. So when I hear people, I can see they're getting stuck. They're doing the same things that aren't working and they're frustrated. That's when we're like, okay, so we're not just going to keep bashing through. My analogy is, like, you're standing in front of a brick wall, and people are like, I need to get through the brick wall, and they're just banging through these bricks like they're bloody and black and blue. And I'm like, I just would like you to back up with me because there's a door 10ft to your left. We just need to stop for long enough from where you think you're so positive, you need to be moving forward. And there's no other option, no matter how hard it is, to see how we can back up and find an alternative. And there often is. But if you're so stuck on, I need to, I need to, I have to, I can't stop, you're not going to see it. So that's what I do a lot of it's finding, right? So I have a lot of years of experience. I've done a lot of training. I have the ability to give people tactical information. But part of it is stop, breathe. What's going on? What would work better?
Erin Patchell:
Are there a lot of common challenges that the business owners you work with tend to have?
Lara Wellman:
There are. I think some of them are just not thinking that they're ready for the next thing. Like there's going to be a magical time when they feel ready for the next big growth moment, right? So I'm not ready to charge more. I'm not ready to take on that program. I'm not ready to offer that kind of program or that level of work. And they all are. They're ready. And a lot of the time, it's just a matter of what would need to happen for you to go for it and having somebody in their corner. So whether they're working with me one on one or I do a lot of group coaching, when you have people who believe in you, it's a lot easier to believe in yourself. And so that's where community is so important to me, because so many business owners are sitting at their desk feeling like they're the only one who hasn't figured this out. Everybody else is so good at this thing, and why can't I just figure it out, right? It's like this whole angsty, like, why am I sucking when nobody else sucks? And then when you get in a room of people who are like, oh, I feel like that too, and they're like, you not you, but you're. So whatever they think of that person, right? And then suddenly you're like, okay, now I'm not the only one who feels that way. And to know that whatever level you are at your business, there's going to be new Impostor Syndrome, there's going to be new things, right? We're not getting to some kind of end zone where suddenly everything is perfect and flowers and rainbows every minute of the day. People have Impostor Syndrome challenges in their seven and eight figure businesses. So when you stop beating yourself up for struggling or not being confident and instead you're like, okay, that's okay. This is part of the process. What do I do now? How do I move forward? It's so much easier than just being like, I suck. I knew it. Yeah.
Erin Patchell:
That's where that authenticity kind of shield comes from, almost, right? It's like the more authentic you can be in your own life, the more you realize, the more authentic the people around you can be too. And then you can break down those masks, those shields.
Lara Wellman:
Yeah, I'm lucky. The people that I am surrounded with are very authentic. I think part of that is the way that I communicate in the world, attracts people who like that, and I receive it in kind. But I think people crave that, right? Like, they're not looking for this perfect veneer. They're not looking for perfection. And like, oh, I can see that. You sound very professional. And I think things are shifting in what people want and how people feel comfortable. And I think it's important to create spaces where people can be safe to be themselves. And that's where the magic starts to happen. The more comfortable you are with yourself and confident because you see that it is well received. The more people are attracted to you, the more your business grows, the more things work versus trying to be something else to have things work.
Erin Patchell:
Do you have any particular I mean, obviously don't mention any names or anything, but do you have any experiences that you've had with clients where that philosophy has just sort of rubbed off and really helped somebody?
Lara Wellman:
I mean, I think so. I really feel like the people who work with me start to just first of all, I hear people say things that we talk about to other people. Like it grows, right? Like the belief that we're just able to be ourselves and have that work and enjoy life and work less. Like, all of these things just kind of grow. And I know I have so many clients who tell me they now have like a little Lara on their shoulder when they're going through things, right? That means that they really have started to believe what I'm saying, right. It's carrying it with them and I think that that carries through into their businesses. Certainly it's one of the ways I think there's like that trickle effect of my work is people pass that on and they have staff and they have clients and all of this is just a matter of like let's stop trying to hustle harder for everything. Let's stop trying to be this list of criteria somebody made up that is what we think is supposed to be success and let's just break the rules. Let's break some of the rules. Some of the rules are not important, some of the rules are just habits. And we just need to say how can we do things differently? I don't care. One of the sort of a trigger statement to me is when anybody wants to do something simply because that's how it's always been done to me. That means it's time to look for something else. There's almost nothing that's always been done one way that shouldn't change now for sure.
Erin Patchell:
Do you have any particular frameworks or models that you like to use in your work with your clients?
Lara Wellman:
No, not really. And I'll tell you, it's because I think every person needs not every single person, but it's always about looking for an individual thing that I think is going to work for somebody. So I talk a lot, just in general about my ADHD diagnosis and being neurodivergent, but also just because of my ADHD diagnosis. I've done a lot of learning about brains. And brains are so different. They're so different and the way people are motivated by things, the way people take action on things. There's no one system that I believe will work. So I have different things. I'm like, oh, let's do the Eisenhower matrix. There's little things that I'll talk about, but ultimately I'm always saying here are a few ways I think you could tackle that. Which one feels like it's going to work for you? Because I know from my clients, I have some where we come up with a big long laundry list of things you're going to do. And by the next time I talk to them, they're all done. Because they're doers, they sit down and they just get stuff done. I personally would love a bit of that in my life, in my body, to be able to just sit down and do all the things simply because I said I would. But I know that for me, I need more hard and real deadlines. I need really to feel like someone else is on the other end, caring that this thing is going to happen, for me to get it done in a timely fashion. So the motivation between me and that other person to get stuff done, the same tactics won't work. And so we're always looking for the thing that's actually going to work. And so I'm constantly shifting things. If you don't think that's going to work, what do we think we can change to make sure it'll work? For the way you think, the way you feel, the way you're motivated. And that means there's never the one way, there's never the one tool. I'm always tweaking and working with the person I'm talking to.
Erin Patchell:
Awesome. I love that. I'm the same. It's like design thinking. It's like you use all of the tools, right, to help identify issues and solve problems. And I love that. So you have a book coming up soon. I know that you're busy editing your book and when's the expected release date for that?
Lara Wellman:
So I'm hoping by October it'll be out. We're very close to being able to launch and yes, it's very exciting.
Erin Patchell:
That's amazing. And it's called you're Not Lazy, you're Not Lazy, you're Not Lazy by Lara. Wellman, everybody.
Lara Wellman:
Yeah. And it's all about the fact that I thought I was a lazy person for a long time because I wasn't into the hustle culture and how a lot of other people have those same kinds of things where they're really hard on themselves. And with some mindset shifts, you can start to just be a bit more okay with who you are so that you can ease into enjoying life a bit more.
Erin Patchell:
I know we don't like to generalize, but do you feel like more women fall into that category than men?
Lara Wellman:
Yeah, I think so. I think we've been socialized to think so and to be harder on ourselves and to be a little less confident about it. So we are we're really hard on ourselves and that's one of the reasons we think we don't measure up to what the expectations are of us. So therefore we must be lazy or therefore we're not as good as other people. And then the weight of feeling bad. For me, shame is the word I talk about a lot. Some people I know there's guilt, there's other things, but for me, shame was my biggest one, where I felt like I wasn't measuring up. And that emotional heaviness of feeling that way is the most exhausting thing of all. And when you can start to let some of that go without just letting go of some of the shame of not being good enough, or like I said, other people have different words for it, just that shift alone starts to make things feel a bit easier. Yeah.
Erin Patchell:
Just as you were talking and this is probably obvious to a lot of people, but I was just thinking about ADHD and how women tend to be diagnosed later than men a lot of the time. Because we're so good at masking the instincts and behaviors that would normally be expressed because of that shame, I think in a lot of ways, because we're constantly we're putting so much energy into striving for normalcy or even just like a perception of normalcy from other people. And I don't think I processed it that way before. So thanks for the insight.
Lara Wellman:
You're welcome.
Erin Patchell:
Yeah. Do you think the Laziness let's not call it Laziness, but it's like see, now I'm changing. See, as you've said, that I'm changing my entire thinking around Laziness. I never really felt like I was lazy, but I still experienced definitely the other side of it, which is the shame and trying to motivate myself to overcome. But I don't think I ever named it Laziness, but that's probably what I was feeling. So there's like a motivational it's interesting because there is a motivational factor in that guilt and shame and I wonder I'm an extrovert. It's so hard for me to be internally motivated when you were just saying that you needed external motivation to get things done. That resonated so hard with me, and.
Lara Wellman:
Yet I consider myself an introvert. So it's not right. It's not just that. It's just that for me, I find and part of it can be the ADHD, but I think it's so many other people. There's just so many things going on, there's so many distractions. Without a deadline, I don't feel like anything's urgent yet. And so that all plays into why real deadlines make a difference. And I think with Laziness there's the flip side and there's a book called Laziness Does Not Exist, which is also another book that I recommend. But that book is more about the fear of being seen as lazy versus owning that they're lazy. Right? Like, it's the idea that you're so afraid that you're going to think you're lazy, other people are going to think you're lazy, that you're never going to be lazy. And so that brings up that need to always hustle. And that's why I'm like, resting isn't lazy. You're not being lazy. Lazy has a really negative connotation, but people use it even in jest. But they're still trying to justify things that they feel like maybe they shouldn't have taken that whole weekend off. I was just taking a lazy weekend versus I just spent the weekend resting. We really have associated the need to go go in order to have value in our society. And when we can start to detach ourselves from that and just let ourselves rest, like we're healthier, happier people.
Erin Patchell:
If someone came to you and said, I feel like I have to hustle or I have this internalized perception of myself as lazy, how would you help them flip the script for themselves?
Lara Wellman:
I'm looking for where the struggle is actually happening. Where are you getting stuck? Are you wishing that you could rest more but think that you don't deserve it? Are you wishing you could rest more, but not until you've achieved some goal? And that goal, is it actually meaningful for you? Or is it just one you think you're supposed to have? There's so many different factors that play into where people get into this sort of spinning hustle mentality. And the other question is, are you about to burn out? How tired are you? Are you trying to do all of this just for the sake of doing it when you're not healthy or happy anymore? And is that what you want? Is that actually what you want? Or are you on this path and you haven't stopped to ask yourself if you even know where you're going or why anymore?
Erin Patchell:
So you have a thriving online community where you support business owners, and you have numerous different initiatives, obviously helping business owners and your own business. If this conversation has resonated with people, and I expect it will, how can they get a hold of you and become part of this?
Lara Wellman:
Yeah, so if they're interested in the book and the idea of talking about not being lazy, you're Notlazy CA will take you to a little bit more information about the book. And I have a Facebook community where people are encouraging each other to just be okay with resting. If you're a business owner and you're looking for a little bit more information about how to find this thing that works for you. Thebiz studio is the website for my business, and I'm happy to have conversations with people who are looking to try to find the thing that's going to work for them. That's amazing.
Erin Patchell:
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us today, Laura.
Lara Wellman:
Thank you for having me.
Erin Patchell:
Laura. Would you like to leave our listeners with any kind of inspirational message?
Lara Wellman:
I want to remind people that they can just ask themselves, what if it all works out? What if there isn't something that needs to change inherently or some big thing that needs to happen for things to get better? But you can just be more you and enjoy life, and that's all there is to it?
Erin Patchell:
Awesome. Thanks so much again.
Lara Wellman:
Thank you.
Erin Patchell:
That's all for today. I hope you enjoyed the 25th episode of Weirdos in the Workplace with our guest, the brilliant Lara Wellman. Remember the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote, to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. So stay weird, stay wonderful, and don't stay out of trouble.
