Unpacking Toxic Shame: A Journey to Vibrant Living with Emily

Description

In this episode, I’m joined by Emily who shares her powerful journey of discovering and healing from toxic shame that stemmed from her childhood. She opens up about the invalidating messages she received growing up that made her feelings feel taboo and shameful. Emily discusses hitting rock bottom despite being a believer, feeling weighed down and like her world was gray. Her turning point came when she went through a program called Regeneration (Celebrate Recovery) that helped her unpack her toxic shame. Emily vividly describes the transformation she experienced, where her world went from gray to vibrant colors and she could finally laugh out loud and celebrate herself. She also explains key lessons like the difference between healthy guilt that provides a warning system, and toxic shame that makes you feel subhuman.

Tune in and discover the hope that comes from knowing freedom from toxic shame is achievable!

Timestamps:

[01:53] Emily's background and journey

[02:46] Significance of recognizing and addressing toxic shame

[06:44] The pervasive influence of toxic shame, stemming from family and society

[10:18] The importance of listening to one’s feelings and intuition

[15:07] Emily’s reflection on her struggle with self-abandonment

[19:14] Finding Regeneration (Celebrate Recovery) program

[25:45] How Emily discovered her ability to express joy and celebrate herself

[29:57] The difference between guilt and toxic shame

[32:36] How guilt is a helpful warning, while shame sends you into a "deep dark place"

[35:00] The interaction of admiration, emotional hurdles, and personal insecurities in relationships

[40:00] Guidance for healing after divorce

[44:39] Value of establishing boundaries to prevent pent-up frustration or resentment

[51:10] Embracing discomfort and building resilience

[59:52] Emily's growth and progress in her healing journey

[01:10:20] Strategies for setting boundaries

Quotes:

Feelings were just kind of taboo. It wasn't like anyone ever said don't feel. But I kind of learn. But when I feel I get in trouble for feeling.
I was a people pleaser, I was a chameleon. I just kind of like evolved into whatever I felt like wouldn't get me attacked or criticized or shamed.
So you know, if you like kind of feel that sense of like, oh yeah, like I wanna hide because I just did something I know I'm not supposed to do. Yeah. That's that shame.
I remember having conversations with my mom where I wasn't getting frustrated and I wasn't getting impatient. Like no matter what was happening, it was just like flowing off of me.
Shame means like I am bad. Okay. Versus guilt. Like, oops, I did something bad.
That guilt is then a warning to tell you like, okay, well now next time I know I need to prepare.