Today, I will recount the events that unfolded when my parents decided to separate. At the age of 13, I had to choose which parent I wished to reside with when I learned my parents were separating. Opting for my father led to a growing divide between my mother and me. Reflecting on my mother's choice, I consider it a courageous move. Going against her mother's expectations and the moral values of our close-knit community to divorce my father required a remarkable display of bravery. Listen in as I share the events that continued to pull my mother and me apart.
IN THIS EPISODE:
[0:00] Susan recounts her parent's divorce as a teenager.
[4:40] Susan had to choose which parent she was to live with.
[6:54] Down deep, Susan's parent's divorce was not a surprise to her.
[10:37] Susan discusses the act of bravery of her mother to divorce her dad in a small town.
[14:00] Susan reflects on the aftermath of the divorce, when her mother gets an apartment.
[20:57] Susan explains why she focuses on the bravery it took to divorce in a small town where divorce was not the norm.
[24:00] Susan encourages listeners to share with her if they are thinking about taking their next brave step.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Children who choose to live with one parent or another choose for a lifetime, not just for the time they spend in their parent's home.
As Susan was growing up, divorce was not expected or considered by most families, and, therefore, Susan's family stood out in a small town.
The relationship between a mother and a daughter is complex, even without throwing divorce into the situation.
QUOTES:
"I distinctly remember the conversation around the divorce. I was getting ready for school. My parents were talking, and my dad called me into the kitchen. My mother was standing very stoically. My dad was visibly upset. He'd been crying and said to my mother, "I want you to tell Susan what's happening". He said, "Susan, your mother's leaving us, and I want her to tell you why". My mother said "I'm not going to tell you why", and I said "does it have something to do with Mr. Crawford?" - Susan Gibson
"I said I wanted to stay with Daddy, and I knew at that moment another significant shift had happened in my life with my mother. I knew that the gap increased, and while she showed no emotion, I knew by saying that out loud, the hurt was there, and I had hurt her deeply."- Susan Gibson
"For my mother to divorce, and face that blight from her mother, was an act of bravery. And I'm sure she felt it very deeply, that there was a shift in the relationship between herself and her mother as well through this divorce." - Susan Gibson
RESOURCES:
ABOUT THE HOST:
Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community, and the power of having a voice.
Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80's to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers.
Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta, and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.
Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.
