Today, Susan reflects on the twenty-six years she spent with her mother after they reconnected. After six years of estrangement, Susan decided to reconnect with her mother. Susan shares that at first, she hoped to restore their relationship from before their estrangement, but over time, she realized that she needed to redefine their relationship. Making commitments to one another, Susan and her mother spent the next twenty-six years spending time together, traveling together, having difficult conversations, and having fun together. Tune in to hear Susan reflect on these difficult, yet beautiful years as she and her mother embarked on this new adventure.
IN THIS EPISODE:
[00:45] Susan shares one of the hardest things she did between the years 1986 and 2012: Redefining a relationship with her estranged mother.
[01:32] Once Susan and her mother reconnected, she decided she needed to spend as much time as possible with her mother. Susan shares how that made this happen.
[04:15] Susan shares how her struggles with drinking during these years affected her life and their relationship.
[07:44] Susan's mother committed to making sure that Susan had legal rights in place to make medical and financial decisions on her behalf. Susan made sure to ask her mother what she wanted, to make the best decisions possible.
[12:39] Susan's mother divorced her second husband, Ed in 1986. Susan reflects on the courage it must have taken to start over again and the lessons she learned from her mother's choice.
[15:05] When Susan married, she made a big life decision that she now regrets.
[18:23] Susan shares that when they first reconnected, she was still looking back and trying to regain their relationship before their estrangement. However, she realized she needed to look forward and define a new relationship with her mother.
[22:00] Susan shares how therapy helped her move forward. She wishes she and her mother could have done this together.
[24:11] Susan encourages you to be open to the challenges and serendipity that you are faced with in life.
[26:00] Reconnecting with her mother was a grand adventure.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
[02:30] Despite reconnecting, taking fun trips together, and spending quality time together, Susan and her mother's relationship wasn't perfect. They still had arguments and secrets, and Susan suffered from anxiety and bouts of anger at her mother.
[06:27] Susan made a commitment to her mother, who was chronically ill, to help her have a high quality of life at home for as long as possible.
[09:00] When her grandmother passed, Susan had the opportunity to purchase the homestead where her mother was raised in northern Maine. She made the commitment to honor her ancestors and their legacy.
[24:11] Be open to the challenge of redefining a relationship. You'll have many failures; you'll have many triumphs. You'll feel sad and angry. You'll also feel happy and oh-so satisfied. Your curiosity will be piqued. You'll find yourself in a completely different place and space from where you were before.
QUOTES:
"When we reconnected in 1986, after six years of estrangement, I accepted my mother's unspoken condition that there would be no looking back, no talking about what happened or why we spent six years without being in touch with one another. I accepted that condition in my outward interactions with her, but my brain and emotions did not accept those conditions." Susan Gibson
"I made a commitment to my mother because of her illnesses that I would do everything within my power to help her have a high quality of life and to help her be at peace at home for as long as we both were able to make that happen. She saw that commitment in action over those years, in my response to the medical crises and emergencies that she would go through." Susan Gibson
"It takes a lot of energy to define a new relationship from an existing one. You'll have many failures, you'll have many triumphs. You'll feel sad and angry. You'll also feel happy and oh, so satisfied. Your curiosity will be piqued. You'll find yourself in a completely different place and space from where you were before. That's the beauty of defining something new, opening yourself up to new possibilities, opening yourself up to serendipity. And when this something new is a relationship that means this much to you, it's mind blowing where you end up." Susan Gibson
RESOURCES:
ABOUT THE HOST:
Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice.
Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers.
Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.
Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.
