What do you do when your direct report keeps making serious mistakes — and you freeze every time you need to give feedback?
In this Hannah Hotline episode, Hannah responds to a senior associate at a top-tier firm who feels stuck between wanting to be kind and fearing being walked all over. A glaring client-caught error, missed instructions, and unspoken resentment all collide — revealing a deeper issue many high performers struggle with: conflict avoidance in positions of power.
Hannah breaks down how to lead with clarity without becoming cold or cruel, using Radical Candor and Nonviolent Communication to help you give feedback that actually supports growth — for your team and for yourself.
If you manage people, work with juniors, or feel responsible for protecting standards while staying human, this episode is a must-listen.
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Key Takeaways:
- Avoiding feedback doesn't protect people — it creates confusion and resentment
- Being "nice" without clarity is ruinous empathy
- Radical Candor allows you to care deeply and lead effectively
- Clear feedback is a form of leadership, not cruelty
- Nonviolent Communication gives you language when emotions are high
- High standards require explicit expectations, not hints
- Great leaders are willing to feel uncomfortable for the sake of growth
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Timestamps:
01:00 – Listener story: a major client catches a glaring mistake
02:00 – Resentment, self-betrayal, and fear of being a harsh boss
02:30 – Freezing instead of being direct
03:00 – Introducing Radical Candor
04:30 – Shame, anger, and fear underneath conflict avoidance
05:00 – The danger of "ruinous empathy"
05:30 – How avoiding feedback hurts your direct report's career
06:00 – Why senior leaders must challenge directly
07:00 – Setting standards is caring
07:30 – Why silence guarantees repeat mistakes
08:00 – Introducing Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
08:30 – Step 1: Observation (facts without judgment)
09:30 – Step 2: Naming your feelings without blame
10:30 – Step 3: Identifying the real need (trust, accuracy, standards)
11:30 – Step 4: Making a clear, actionable request
12:00 – Example: setting a proofreading process
12:30 – Caring personally while challenging directly
13:00 – Removing ambiguity and passive aggression
13:30 – Why clarity creates better performance
14:00 – What's really stopping you from speaking up
14:30 – Confidence, conviction, and leadership identity
16:00 – What reactions to feedback tell you about someone
16:30 – It's never too late to address a mistake
#nonviolentcommunication #RadicalCandor #HighPerformers #DifficultConversations #hannahkissel
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Email: hello@hannahkissel.com
