In this episode of The Hole Shebang, host Kristen Parise welcomes Alyssa Howard, a registered psychotherapist specializing in helping individuals reconnect with their authentic selves. Together, they explore the complex interplay between strict religious upbringings and sexual development, offering practical insights for individuals and couples looking to redefine their relationship with pleasure.
Alyssa Howard is a registered psychotherapist who transitioned from an 8.5-year career in education tech to focus on mental health. She works with clients throughout Ontario, both virtually and in-person, specializing in supporting:
Alyssa helps clients develop healthy relationships with work, authentic identity, and living according to their true values.
Catch Alyssa Howard at the Pleasure Principle Conference on May 30th, where she'll be diving deeper into the themes discussed in this episode!
Meet Alyssa Howard, a registered psychotherapist who found her calling after transitioning from a career in education technology. Alyssa shares her passion for helping others reconnect with their authentic selves.
Alyssa discusses her work with racialized individuals and members of the queer community, helping them explore what it means to "live authentically through values" and develop healthy engagement with their careers and identities.
Exploring how religious and strict backgrounds can create tension between taught beliefs and personal experiences, particularly around sexuality and sensuality. Alyssa notes how these environments often enforce specific "core tenants" around physical modesty and sexual engagement.
Alyssa reveals how sexual shame develops when sex becomes a taboo topic: "When you don't speak about something... that creates very easily a sense of shame." She explains how this shame can manifest as anxiety, tension, and negative self-talk.
"Communication is super key" when working through sexual issues as a couple. Alyssa emphasizes the importance of acknowledging discomfort and creating safe spaces to discuss sexuality openly.
Many clients lack basic knowledge about sexual anatomy. Alyssa shares how she provides fundamental education: "Do you know what we're referencing when we're saying vagina? Do you know that there's actually an external portion, the vulva?" This education builds a foundation for healthier sexual experiences.
Alyssa outlines techniques for challenging negative core beliefs about sexuality, helping clients identify self-talk patterns, understand their origins, and develop healthier alternatives.
When working with couples, Alyssa helps them identify individual beliefs, compare them side by side, and determine "what are the beliefs as a unit that we want to carry forward in our relationship."
The importance of being present in the moment during sexual experiences. Alyssa explains how mindfulness practices help people "understand what you're experiencing mentally and physically" and respond accordingly to increase pleasure.
Alyssa discusses how addressing psychological components of sexual pain can complement physical treatments, helping clients recognize anxiety cues and develop strategies to reduce tension.
For those who never explored sensuality growing up, Alyssa recommends three key approaches:
Top book recommendations from Alyssa:
Alyssa shares that her personal theme song is "i" by Kendrick Lamar, which speaks to "resilience and just sort of the durability of the human spirit." Find Alyssa at groundingplacetherapy.ca.
Don't miss Alyssa Howard at the Pleasure Principle Conference on May 30th. For more information about her practice, visit groundingplacetherapy.ca.
The Hole Shebang is a production of Blueberry Therapy Pelvic Health and Pediatrics, providing multidisciplinary care for people with bladder, bowel, or sexual dysfunction.
