Hello, and welcome to Touring History, the only historical recap show where we mind
humanity's worst decisions for your entertainment. I'm Lane. - And I'm Dave. And if
you're enjoying this on the toilet, well, congratulations. You're smarter than the
Ottoman Empire. So, let's begin. - On this day in 1800, the Library of Congress was
founded. It now holds over 170 million items, including books, maps, photos,
and Unfortunately, several Nicholas Sparks novels. - Ooh, I don't think he had a
library card. Which, to be fair, are the only books in the collection that come pre
-moicent. - I'm crying. - Thomas Jefferson sold them his entire personal library to
restart it after a fire, which, ironically, is also how Dave paid off his bar tab
in college. - That's right. Even though Jefferson only had four books to give them.
It was incredible that I had none. They didn't even take books. They took kidney
function on birthdays. That's right. We have to mention birthdays. So happy birthday
to Pulitzer Prize winner writer Robert Penn Warren, the only man to win for both
poetry and fiction. Because why just dominate one genre when you can ruin the curve
for everyone? Yeah, he was up for fiction, but only because his poetry was fiction.
Also born today, Barbara Streisand, icon, egot winner. What is that again?
Oh yes, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, toenails.
And the only person who sneezes has its own key signature. It's untight.
- And shout out to Kelly Clarkson, born in 1982, America's first idol, and the only
woman strong enough to survive from Justin to Kelly. - And relentless Wayfair
advertiser. Hey, it was either her or Clay Aiken, right? And let's be honest, Clay
wouldn't have made it past 2007. - On to American genocide. - Oh no,
that's the Armenian genocide. - Oh! - The American genocide is presently taking place.
- Sorry, Trumpian slip. Today It's the anniversary of the Armenian Genocide when the
Ottoman Empire began the mass killing of 1 .5 million Armenians. Those autos,
they were everywhere. A horrifying, deliberate campaign of ethnic cleansing that many
countries still won't call a genocide. Oh no, it's not that. Oh, it has to be 18
million before we call it that. Because acknowledging history is apparently harder
than saying, "Sorry, boo, At Thanksgiving, can you pass the peas? It's one of the
worst crimes of the 20th century, and yet it gets less pressed than a new season
of "Selling Sunset." Oh, I love that show. Do you want it to be $17 million or
$20 million? To be fair, those realtors are monsters, though.
On to 1980, the failed U .S. rescue mission in Iran. In 1980,
the U .S. attempted to rescue hostages in Iran with Operation Eagle Claw. How do
they come up with these names? They go around a table. Let's call it Operation
Toothpaste Still in the Tube. Now we use that one last week. It ended in disaster
when a sandstorm and poor planning led to the deaths of eight servicemen,
unfortunately. It was like Ocean's Eleven if the heist ended with the Bellagio on
fire and George Clooney crying in a helicopter. Ah, she's always there crying, either
in a helicopter or in a golf cart. What's his deal? Also known as Oceans 12. In
1990, the Hubble Space Telescope launched. Oh, the world's largest peeping Tom.
Yes. In 1990, NASA launched the Hubble Space Telescope with a broken mirror. Oops.
Haha. How many bad years of luck would that give you? So yes, we spent 1 my
billion to send a blurry camera into space. - Eventually it was fixed and began
showing us galaxies billions of light years away. - Hey, how'd you like to be the
guy that had to go up there and actually repair it? Well, I need a Fetzer valve
and a claw hammer. I think we're good. That's right, which we use mostly to make
iPhone wallpapers. - In 2013,
- The Rana Plaza, am I saying Rana, right? Is it Reina, Rana? - You say potato, I
say Reina, go ahead. - The Rana Plaza garment factory collapsed, killing 1 ,134
workers. It was a horrifying reminder of how cheap clothes often come at a high
cost. - Ouch, so the next time you buy a $4 tank top online, just ask yourself,
is this worth someone else's life? And if the answer is yes, Congratulations! You
qualify for Amazon Prime! Commercials included! Well,
in 1971, FedEx is founded. Uh, Wilson! Wilson!
It was founded today in 1971, and they've been expertly losing your packages ever
since. Their slogan was originally "absolutely positively overnight until someone said,
"What if it just lingers in Memphis for five days?" "Well, then it's absolutely
positively in Memphis for five days. Seriously, every FedEx package has to go through
Memphis. Remember Elvis? He was always going through Memphis." In 1988,
Dose Eckes debuted the most interesting man in the world campaign, giving us gems
like he once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels. - Oh, those are great
campaigns. This campaign made Doseki's cool, proving that a fake hemming way in a
blazer could sell more beer than a Super Bowl ad featuring, well, monkeys. - And as
always, he doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he makes me feel deeply
inadequate. - Boy, that's for sure. And if you have a beard, you're cool again. He
also once parallel parked a cruise ship and fixed the Hubble mirror with duct tape.
He's the most amazing man. All right, sick around. We'll be right back after this
message from our sponsor, which unfortunately is neither interesting nor well -dressed.
That's right. Tonight's show is brought to you by the world's longest putt. Yes,
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All you have to do is sink a 401 -foot putt. That's four football fields. Or,
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Possibly pull your hamstring in front of a cheering crowd
Because some people are born great some achieve greatness and some putt their way
there Oh, that'll be on my headstone worlds longest putt come for the million
dollars Stay because you overshot the hole by three hundred and seventy 375 feet.
Now back to the show. That's right. Ah, yes. 1184 BCE,
the fall of Troy.
Also known as the most overhyped gift opening in history. Did that have anything to
do with Helen? Or should we bring this giant wooden horse left by our sworn
enemies? Ah, sure. What could go wrong? Bring it in it's a good reminder that if
something seems too good to be true. It probably has 40 Greeks in it Oh, I've been
to that diner. It's fantastic Well in 1907 Hershey Park opened Milton Hershey Famed
chocolate man opened Hershey Park in Pennsylvania today, which was like Disneyland if
Mickey was filled with Nougat hmm Oh, originally meant as a leisure park for his
chocolate factory workers, because what says labor rights like a roller coaster called
the Coco Cruiser? Or being dipped in a vat of chocolate, just for fun!
On 1967, Soviet cosmonaut Vladimir Komarov tragically died today when his space
capsule crashed during re -entry. with the coming in hot way too hot and he knew
the spacecraft was faulty before launch but since it was the Soviet era he's still
fluid because apparently in Soviet Russia you know cancel missions missions cancel you
he was a hero yes he was a tragic flaming physics defying hero that's for sure
Well in 2004 the US lifted sanctions in Libya. That's right 2004 saw the US lift
economic sanctions in Libya because nothing says Igawns like a handshake with a guy
who once kept a tent at the UN Where's the white part of my camel? Hmm. It's not
forgiveness. It's just oil. That's right
In 2000 ever you won as long as I can fill up my Tesla. Oh, wait a minute.
That's the wrong car. I bought my Tesla before he low and crazy Thanks for the
bumper sticker. You bet 2018 Bill Cosby was convicted of sexual assault and a no
denial lawsuits and putting pop commercials. Oh gosh Mmm,
I just don't know what to say the sentence was three to ten years and the vibe
was oh not nearly enough doctor - That was justice -ish.
- Ish, yes. Well, so we have come to the closing of April 24th.
I'm sure there's more stuff out there, but we don't have enough gas in our tank to
do it all. So that was April 24th, a day of genocide, galaxies,
Garmin collapses, and a guy who really is into Dosekis, and a comedian who we all
love that turned into a monster so Lane we'll see you tomorrow where history will
again remind us that humanity is basically just one long season of white lotus
gorgeous views terrible people and someone always ends up dead that's right so good
night and remember don't open the giant wooden horse
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