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🎙️ TOURING HISTORY – May 1 Edition

LANE :
It’s May 1st, also known as May Day—a day for workers’ rights, political protests, and deeply uncomfortable flash mobs involving people dressed as anthropomorphic hammers.

DAVE:
Or as Americans call it: Monday, with more yelling.

🎉 Birthday Roll Call

LANE:
Happy birthday to Tim McGraw—country music legend, actor, and the only man who can turn a sleeveless plaid shirt into a moral philosophy.

DAVE:
Also born today: Judy Collins, whose voice could calm a riot. And Wes Anderson, whose films are what would happen if Etsy became sentient.

🇬🇧 1707: England and Scotland Form Great Britain

LANE:
On this day in 1707, England and Scotland merged to form Great Britain, which was sort of like if two aging rock bands joined forces… and still couldn’t agree on who got to headline.

DAVE:
It was a historic act of unity.
And by unity, we mean: "You get the sheep, we get the money."

👷 1886: Chicago Workers March for 8-Hour Workday

LANE:
In 1886, Chicago workers marched for an eight-hour workday, which was seen as radical at the time.

And to be fair, it still is—especially to anyone who’s ever gotten a Slack notification at 11:47 PM that just says, “Quick question…”

DAVE:
They risked their lives for reasonable labor conditions.
We, on the other hand, get excited about casual Fridays.

🗽 1931: Empire State Building Opens

DAVE:
The Empire State Building opened today in 1931.
It was the tallest building in the world and a testament to American ambition.

LANE:
And, like most things built during the Great Depression, it was also a massive “screw you” to poverty.
“Can’t afford bread? Try looking at the skyline, peasant!”

✈️ 1960: U-2 Spy Plane Shot Down

LANE:
In 1960, an American U-2 spy plane was shot down over the Soviet Union.
Because what better way to say “we come in peace” than flying a camera-equipped plane 70,000 feet above someone else's nukes?

DAVE:
The pilot was captured, questioned, and probably asked at least once, “Do you even go here?”

🇪🇺 2004: The EU Expands by 10 Countries

DAVE:
In 2004, the European Union expanded, welcoming 10 new countries into the fold.
It was Europe’s version of “The Bachelor”—except with more treaties and slightly fewer tears.

LANE:
It was the biggest expansion in EU history, proving that nothing brings people together like bureaucracy, wine, and a shared disdain for American tourists.

🥣 1941: Cheerios Introduced (as CheeriOats)

LANE:
In 1941, Cheerios were introduced—originally called CheeriOats, which sounds like something a horse would say right before unionizing.

DAVE:
They rebranded after a trademark dispute. Because even during World War II, the real battle was always over cereal naming rights.

💻 2000: First Online Banner Ad Archived

LANE:
In 2000, the first online banner ad was officially archived.
It was from AT&T, and it asked: “Have you ever clicked your mouse right here?”

DAVE:
Which, frankly, sounds like a phishing scam and a bad Tinder opener at the same time.

LANE:
This was the dawn of online advertising—a glorious era when every website looked like a slot machine and half your screen was screaming “CONGRATULATIONS YOU’VE WON!”
You hadn’t.

🎙️ [SPONSOR BREAK – Rise Doughnuts]

LANE:
Now, if you're feeling overwhelmed by imperial history, labor revolts, and banner ads from hell… don’t worry. There’s doughnuts.

DAVE:
This episode is brought to you by Rise Doughnuts, in Wilton, Connecticut—makers of small-batch, handcrafted doughnuts so good, they’ll make you forgive 2023.

LANE:
They’re warm. They’re beautiful. They sell out faster than toilet paper in March 2020.

DAVE:
Follow @risedoughnut, line up early, and don’t look back. Because if you’re going to eat your feelings, you might as well do it right.

🪦 1945: Goebbels Commits Suicide

LANE:
Back to the bunker. In 1945, Joseph Goebbels, Hitler’s propaganda minister, took his own life after realizing that “history’s worst hype man” was not a great long-term career plan.

DAVE:
Fun fact: he lasted one day longer than Hitler. Which is not something you want on your résumé.

🍍 1999: SpongeBob SquarePants Debuts

DAVE:
In 1999, SpongeBob SquarePants premiered. A sponge who lives in a pineapple and works in fast food.

LANE:
Which sounds insane—until you realize this show has outlasted five U.S. presidents and still makes more sense than most government policy.

🎯 2011: Death of Osama Bin Laden Announced

LANE:
In 2011, President Obama announced the death of Osama bin Laden, ending a nearly 10-year manhunt.

DAVE:
It was swift, secret, and shockingly bipartisan.
A rare moment when the U.S. got it right—and Twitter somehow didn’t crash.

❄️ 1978: Naomi Uemura Reaches North Pole Solo

DAVE:
In 1978, Japanese explorer Naomi Uemura became the first person to reach the North Pole alone.

LANE:
Which is impressive. I won’t even go to IKEA alone without texting someone my "If I disappear in the rug section, avenge me" message.

👑 2023: Coronation Date Set for King Charles III

LANE:
And finally, in 2023, the official coronation date was set for King Charles III—who waited 70 years for the top job.

DAVE:
He spent decades preparing to be king and still somehow seems deeply surprised every time someone hands him a crown.

LANE:
Let’s just say: when your mom reigns longer than most empires, you age into the role.

🎙️ CLOSING LINE

LANE:
So that was May 1—an absolutely stacked day of empires, email spam, labor rights, cartoon royalty, and a man with square pants and a full-time job.

DAVE:
We’ll see you tomorrow, when history continues to disappoint and delight in equal measure.

LANE:
Until then, stay informed…

DAVE:
…stay irrationally angry about cereal names…

BOTH:
…and stay historical.

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