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🎙️ TOURING HISTORY with Lane & Dave – May 4 Edition

Hi I’m Lane

And I’m Dave!  And this is : Touring history

LANE:

LANE (with exasperated glee): It’s May 4th, and yes, that means it’s “May the Fourth Be With You” for the Star Wars crowd, but history doesn’t care about your puns. History’s got riots, disasters, viral marketing and viral viruses, all packed into a single day. Strap in.

🎉 Birthday Roll Call

LANE:
Happy birthday to Audrey Hepburn, whose effortless glamour remains so untouchable, it’s basically an international border that not even a real ID can get you access to.

DAVE:
Also, Lance Bass, the *NSYNC member who has spent the last 20 years explaining to people that no, he is not the one with ramen noodle hair”

LANE:
And country icon Randy Travis, a man who’s had more heartbreak than a Taylor Swift album, without the obvious monetary payout. Sorry Randi, go date an NFL player and get back to us.

🇺🇸 1776: Rhode Island Ditches Britain

DAVE (mock awe):
In 1776, Rhode Island became the first colony to renounce allegiance to Britain.
Which is big talk from a state you could jog across on your lunch break. Wait for me Connecticut I’ll be there in a minute!

LANE:
Yes, Rhode Island basically said “Listen England you can’t fire me I quit!” Rhode Island, the state that once led the charge on independence, now leads the nation in “most overlooked on a map.” No wonder their state motto is Hope as in,  there’s still Hope!

💣 1886: Haymarket Affair Turns Deadly

LANE (ranting):
1886—the Haymarket Affair explodes in Chicago.
What started as a labor rally became a massacre after a bomb went off. And let’s be clear: this is what happens when the American approach to a minor workplace complaint is, “call in the cavalry. And bring some cannons while you’re at it.

DAVE:
It’s also how Chicago tends to clean up unrest. If we can survive a fire destroying our whole city, why we can  take care of a little rabble too! More cannons! Next? Al Capone! Next, The 1968 democratic convention! Next Jane Burn! I say Bring it on baby!

🎓 1970: Kent State Shootings

DAVE:
1970—Speaking of unrest and how not to deal with it..again.  Kent State. On this date in 1970 Four unarmed students were shot by the National Guard during an anti war protest.
Yes, nothing says “freedom” like turning a college campus into a live-fire zone.

LANE:
Honestly, it’s as if the lesson of the 1960s was, “Let’s give everyone the right to protest, then use them as target practice when they actually do. Or deport them to Texas where they can reside in the heat at a black ops site.

💌 2000: ILOVEYOU Virus Spreads

LANE:
May 4, 2000: the ILOVEYOU virus sweeps the globe, infecting millions of computers.
A digital love letter so destructive, it’s basically a Taylor Swift singe that repeatedly says I love you, followed by the refrain “and now your hard drive is gone”

DAVE:
And also the only virus that starts with “I love you” and ends with, “You’ll never see your tax documents again along with, “thanks for Grandma Bessie’s secret Eggplant casserole recipe!”

🦾 1979: Thatcher Becomes UK PM

DAVE:
In 1979, Margaret Thatcher became Prime Minister.
The Iron Lady herself: broke unions, privatized milk, and convinced an entire country to say “No, thank you” to feelings.

LANE:
Yes, Thatcher, known as the Iron Lady because “Union busting bad ass bitch” didn’t fit on campaign posters

🥤 1945: Coca-Cola’s “Have a Coke = Smile” Wartime Campaign

LANE:
1945—Coca-Cola’s wartime campaign: “Have a Coke = Smile.”
Because apparently, defeating fascism was best accomplished with corn syrup and a wink. Along with chocolate bars and a pack of Lucky’s.  And the Germans thought Meth was going to give them an edge! Ha!

DAVE:
“Sure, the world’s on fire, but have you tried our beverage?” It’s the real thing! I want to be a real boy!

🥤 1985: New Coke & Bill Cosby

DAVE:
Speaking of Coke, the boys in the lab in Atlanta had this brilliant idea of how to mess with success by introducing a new version of a tried and true product. Can you smell it Lanr? That’s right, failure comes in a new bottle (or Can as it were) Yes, In 1985, New Coke launched with Bill Cosby as spokesman. A sugary brown water concoction no one wanted and a spokesmman….well, we know how that one turned out.

LANE: A campaign so disastrous, It was like having the Edsel campaign launch with Hannible Lecter behind the wheel.

🎙️ [SPONSOR BREAK – Rise Doughnuts]

LANE:
This disaster-filled day is brought to you by Rise Doughnuts in Wilton, Connecticut—because when everything in history is bleak, doughnuts are the only thing that makes sense.

DAVE:
Handmade, small-batch, and so pure they could even make New Coke taste okay. (Almost.)

LANE:
Follow @risedoughnut, show up early, and treat yourself before the next historical disaster hits.

🏆 1959: First Grammy Awards Held

DAVE:
1959—the first Grammy Awards are held, giving musicians the chance to dress like Liberace and still lose to someone you’ve never heard of. “And the winner is; Pluff Mantooth!!”

LANE: Yes, it’s the only awards show where a turtle neck and massive gold chains counts as formal wear.

🚢 1904: U.S. Begins Panama Canal Construction

LANE:
In 1904, the U.S. began building the Panama Canal.
Because nothing says “manifest destiny” like cutting another continent in half out of sheer impatience.

DAVE: That’s right Lane Americans love shortcuts and places to claim as their own.  We built the damn thing its ours!

🎬 1927: First Oscars Nominees Announced

DAVE:
On this day in 1927 The first Oscar nominees were announced.  kicking off nearly a century of awkward speeches, forced standing ovations, movies no one actually saw and categories that cause us to scratch our heads and say “what is the technical best lighting pole award?”

🚌 1961: First Freedom Riders Trip

LANE:
1961—Freedom Riders boarded buses through the South, risking their lives to challenge segregation.
They faced mobs, violence, and arrest… just so people could sit down where they wanted.
Imagine having that kind of courage, and then think about the last time you avoided a tough conversation by texting “I can’t talk to you right now, can I call you later?.”

🕵️ 1998: “Unsolved Mysteries” Host Robert Stack Dies

DAVE:
And finally, in 2003, Robert Stack—host of “Unsolved Mysteries”—died.
Which means the only mystery he couldn’t solve was “Why is there so much lint in my belly button?” Come on Bob! Not even a clue in your will? Geeze

🎙️ CLOSING LINE

LANE:
So that’s May 4th: deadly riots, digital heartbreak, Prime Ministers who hate feelings, and just enough music awards to keep everyone fighting.

DAVE:
We’ll be back tomorrow—unless a love letter crashes our inbox first.

LANE:
Until then, stay incredulous…

DAVE:
…stay caffeinated…

BOTH:
…and stay historical.

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