LANE: Welcome to Touring History, where we prove that the past was just as chaotic as the present, but with fewer social media hot takes. I'm Lane—
DAVE: And I'm Dave, and today's episode is brought to you by Randy's Donuts, the World Famous icon that's been serving up perfect donuts since 1952. You know, when you're dealing with medieval kings making terrible decisions and volcanoes literally exploding—which we absolutely are today—
LANE: —there's something deeply reassuring about that giant donut sign in Inglewood. Like, empires fall, kings get overthrown, but Randy's? Still there, still making donuts, still probably visible from the International Space Station.
DAVE: Speaking of things that endure, it's June 15th, which means we have birthday celebrities, constitutional crises, and—oh God—we're doing the steamboat disaster, aren't we?
LANE: We're absolutely doing the steamboat disaster. But also the first TV commercial, which feels weirdly appropriate given our sponsor situation.
DAVE: Right, so buckle up for medieval documents, volcanic eruptions, and the birth of television advertising. First though...
LANE: Birthdays! And we've got a legitimately stacked lineup today. Ice Cube turns 56, which means "Friday" is now older than most of our listeners probably are.
DAVE: That's genuinely disturbing. Also celebrating: Courteney Cox at 61, Neil Patrick Harris at 52, Jim Belushi at 71, and Helen Hunt at 62.
LANE: You know what's fascinating? All these people peaked in completely different decades. Ice Cube dominated the '90s, Courteney Cox owned the '90s and 2000s with Friends, Neil Patrick Harris had this whole career resurrection with How I Met Your Mother—
DAVE: —and then there's Jim Belushi, who basically spent his entire career being "the other Belushi brother," which has to be the most psychologically complex celebrity situation imaginable.
LANE: We also have Ruby Nash Garnett turning 91—she was in Ruby & the Romantics, who did "Our Day Will Come"—and Leo Nocentelli at 79, guitarist for The Meters, who basically invented the New Orleans funk sound.
DAVE: So we've got comedy, drama, music, and the foundational sounds of funk. Which is actually a perfect segue into talking about foundational documents, because Lane, we need to discuss the Magna Carta.
VIDEO PROMPT: Medieval English countryside with King John in royal robes reluctantly signing parchment document surrounded by stern-faced barons in chainmail, Runnymede meadow setting with horses and banners
LANE: June 15th, 1215. King John seals the Magna Carta, and I have to say, this might be the most reluctant document signing in history.
DAVE: Oh, this is where your obsession with historical grudges really kicks in, doesn't it?
LANE: Look, King John was basically forced at swordpoint to limit royal power. The barons were like, "Hey, you can't just tax us into oblivion and ignore all laws," and John was like, "Watch me," and they were like, "No, seriously, sign this or we revolt."
DAVE: What's fascinating is that this document—which John immediately tried to get the Pope to nullify, by the way—basically became the foundation for constitutional government. Like, accidentally.
LANE: Right? John thought he was signing some temporary inconvenience, but instead he created the blueprint for "hey, maybe kings shouldn't have unlimited power." Revolutionary concept.
VIDEO PROMPT: Continental Congress meeting room in Philadelphia with delegates in colonial dress, George Washington in military uniform accepting command, serious faces around wooden tables with quill pens and documents
DAVE: Fast-forward to 1775, and the Continental Congress appoints George Washington as Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army. Which, given what we talked about yesterday with them forming an army to fight the British Empire, was either brilliant or completely insane.
LANE: You know that reminds me of a story, Dave. My great-grandfather used to say that Washington got the job because he was the only guy who showed up to Congress in a military uniform. Like, everyone else was in civilian clothes, and Washington was basically like, "I'm ready for war," and they were like, "Great, you're hired."
DAVE: That's probably not entirely accurate historically, but it's definitely the most American way to get a job. "I wore the uniform, therefore I am qualified."
LANE: Although to be fair, it worked out. Eventually. After a lot of people died and France bailed us out. Again.
VIDEO PROMPT: Civil War era Washington D.C. with workers preparing burial grounds on rolling hills, uniformed officials surveying the future cemetery site, somber atmosphere with period carriages and American flags
DAVE: Jumping ahead to 1864—Arlington National Cemetery is established. And this is one of those historical decisions that's both practical and deeply symbolic.
LANE: Right, because they needed somewhere to bury Civil War dead, but they also specifically chose Robert E. Lee's confiscated estate. Which is probably the most passive-aggressive real estate decision in American history.
DAVE: "Oh, you want to lead a rebellion against the United States? Cool, we're turning your backyard into a cemetery for Union soldiers." That's some serious long-term planning for symbolic revenge.
VIDEO PROMPT: 1890s Japanese coastal village with traditional buildings being overwhelmed by massive waves, people in period dress fleeing to higher ground, devastating aftermath with destroyed structures
LANE: 1895 brings us to northeastern Japan, where a tsunami kills over 22,000 people. This is one of those natural disasters that just... the scale is almost incomprehensible.
DAVE: And this was before we had any real understanding of tsunami warning systems or plate tectonics. People just lived their lives and then suddenly the ocean decided to relocate itself onto land.
LANE: What gets me is that this happened in 1895, but we're still dealing with the same geological realities today. The earth doesn't care about our technology or progress—sometimes it just reshapes itself.
VIDEO PROMPT: New York Harbor in 1904 with steamboat engulfed in flames, passengers jumping into water, rescue boats rushing to help, period ships and city skyline in background
DAVE: Speaking of disasters, 1904—the General Slocum steamboat fire in New York City kills over 1,000 people. And this is where regulatory failure meets tragic consequences.
LANE: This was supposed to be a church picnic. A German-American community group chartered this boat for a day trip, and the safety equipment was basically decorative. Life preservers filled with cork dust, fire hoses that fell apart when they tried to use them.
DAVE: It's one of those disasters where you read the investigation report and realize that literally everything that could go wrong was set up to go wrong. Like, this wasn't an accident, this was negligence disguised as an accident.
LANE: Over a thousand people died because someone decided safety regulations were more like safety suggestions. Which brings us to something much lighter...
VIDEO PROMPT: 1930s Appalachian landscape with officials in period suits dedicating the new national park, misty mountains and forest views, vintage cars and ceremonial ribbons
DAVE: 1934—Great Smoky Mountains National Park is established. Finally, some good news!
LANE: Although even this has drama. They had to buy out hundreds of families and relocate entire communities to create the park. It was the right decision long-term, but imagine getting a letter that's like, "Congratulations! Your hometown is now a tourist destination. Please leave."
DAVE: That's very 1930s, isn't it? "We're going to preserve nature by removing all the people who've been living here for generations." The intentions were good, but the execution was... complicated.
VIDEO PROMPT: 1930s military ceremony with National Guard units being formally integrated into U.S. Army, officials in period uniforms signing documents, American flags and military formations
LANE: Also in 1934, the National Guard gets integrated into the U.S. Army. Which seems like the kind of administrative decision that should have happened way earlier.
DAVE: Right? Like, "Oh, we have this whole parallel military organization, maybe we should coordinate with them?" It only took 158 years to figure that out.
VIDEO PROMPT: 1930s baseball stadium with pitcher in Cincinnati Reds uniform throwing ball, period crowd in stands wearing hats, black and white era atmosphere with vintage scoreboard
LANE: 1938 gives us Johnny Vander Meer throwing back-to-back no-hitters in Major League Baseball, which is basically the sports equivalent of lightning striking twice in the same spot.
DAVE: The odds of this happening are so astronomical that it's never been done before or since. This is like baseball's unicorn moment.
LANE: And it happened during a time when baseball was literally the only major professional sport most Americans cared about. So this wasn't just sports history, this was national news. Walter Cronkite probably led with this story.
VIDEO PROMPT: 1940s television studio with primitive TV camera equipment, Bulova watch advertisement being filmed, technicians in period clothing operating early broadcast equipment
DAVE: 1941—Bulova airs the first official U.S. television commercial during a baseball game. Ten seconds long, cost nine dollars.
LANE: Nine dollars! In 1941! That's like $150 today for ten seconds of airtime. And now we live in a world where people pay millions for thirty seconds during the Super Bowl.
DAVE: The commercial was literally just "The time is now 8:00 PM. Bulova watch time." Which is both incredibly primitive and somehow more honest than modern advertising.
LANE: Although you have to appreciate the efficiency. No celebrities, no elaborate storylines, just "Here's a watch, it tells time, buy it." Which reminds me...
LANE: Time for a quick ad break—don't go anywhere! But seriously, let's talk about Randy's Donuts again, because unlike that primitive 1941 commercial, Randy's has figured out how to actually advertise.
DAVE: I mean, when your building itself is a 32-foot-diameter donut sign that's visible from airplanes landing at LAX, you don't really need traditional advertising. The architecture does the marketing.
LANE: Randy's has been featured in more movies and TV shows than most actors—Iron Man 2, Mars Attacks!, Californication, even Futurama. When Hollywood needs to say "this is Los Angeles," they show Randy's Donuts.
DAVE: From that original Inglewood location to Vegas, Phoenix, and even international spots in South Korea and Japan—they've proven that sometimes the best advertising is just being authentically, unapologetically yourself. Check them out at randysdonuts.com. Now, back to more historical chaos...
VIDEO PROMPT: 1980s Seattle warehouse with early Costco signage, shoppers with large carts buying bulk items, period cars in parking lot, retro business attire
LANE: 1983—Costco opens its first warehouse in Seattle, basically inventing the "buy 47 rolls of toilet paper at once" shopping experience.
DAVE: This is where your theory about American excess really gets interesting, doesn't it?
LANE: Oh, absolutely. Costco figured out that Americans will buy anything if you make them feel like they're getting a deal by purchasing absurd quantities. "Why buy one jar of mayonnaise when you can buy a case of 12?"
DAVE: Although to be fair, the membership model was genuinely innovative. "Pay us money for the privilege of shopping here, and we'll give you wholesale prices." It's brilliant and slightly insulting at the same time.
LANE: And now Costco is everywhere, and we all have garages full of paper towels we bought three years ago because they were "such a good deal." It's the American dream, quantified.
VIDEO PROMPT: Philippines volcanic eruption with massive ash cloud rising into sky, damaged buildings covered in volcanic ash, evacuation vehicles fleeing the area, dramatic natural disaster scene
DAVE: 1991—Mount Pinatubo erupts in the Philippines, killing around 800 people and literally changing global weather patterns.
LANE: This is one of those events that reminds you how small we are. This volcano ejected so much material into the atmosphere that it cooled global temperatures by about half a degree for two years.
DAVE: Right? Like, we spend all this time worrying about human impact on climate, and then a mountain in the Philippines is like, "Hold my beer, I'm going to adjust the entire planet's thermostat."
LANE: Although the silver lining is that this eruption actually gave us some of the most spectacular sunsets in recorded history. When the world ends, at least it'll be photogenic.
VIDEO PROMPT: Supreme Court building in Washington D.C. with modern setting, justices in robes deliberating, LGBTQ+ rights advocates gathered outside with rainbow flags and signs
DAVE: And finally, 2020—the Supreme Court rules in Bostock v. Clayton County that LGBTQ+ workplace protections apply under existing civil rights law.
LANE: This is one of those decisions that feels both groundbreaking and obvious at the same time. Like, "Wait, we needed a Supreme Court case to establish that you can't fire someone for being gay? In 2020?"
DAVE: What's fascinating is that this was a 6-3 decision written by Neil Gorsuch, who's not exactly known as a liberal justice. Sometimes legal logic just leads you to the right conclusion, regardless of your personal politics.
LANE: Although it took until 2020 to get there, which says something about how slowly institutions change. But hey, progress is progress, even when it takes forever.
LANE: So that's June 15th—reluctant kings, volcanic disasters, the birth of television advertising, and civil rights victories that should have happened decades earlier.
DAVE: If there's a theme here, it's that humans are really good at creating both problems and solutions, often simultaneously. We'll build unsafe steamboats and then establish national parks. We'll delay civil rights for decades and then finally do the right thing.
LANE: Thanks again to Randy's Donuts for sponsoring today's episode. When volcanoes erupt and kings make bad decisions, at least we can comfort ourselves with donuts from a place that's been consistently reliable since 1952.
DAVE: Visit randysdonuts.com, and remember—history is just a series of "well, that happened" moments that somehow add up to civilization. Probably.
LANE: I'm Lane—
DAVE: I'm Dave—
BOTH: And we'll see you next time on Touring History, where we make the past sound slightly more entertaining than your high school textbook did.
DAVE: Allegedly.
[END OF EPISODE - Runtime: Approximately 11 minutes]
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