Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, touch the ground,
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, show your shoe,
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, please skiddooo!
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, climb the stairs,
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, say your prayers
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn out the light,
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, say good night!
This, my friends is what we call a Double Dutch Rhyme. I remember the first time I ever jumped double dutch. My elementary school had this thing called a Jump-a-thon. Mrs. Allen had us out on the blacktop jumping rope one day a year to prevent some sort of disease.
I was listening to a podcast this week where they were talking about getting the most out of conferences, and it got me thinking. When I am somewhere new and people are circled up, it is a lot like double dutch jump roping.
I see that people have a rhythm, their conversation is going well. It is at this moment that I make a decision that may affect the rest of my time there. Will I jump in, or will I stay on the sideline?
You probably know the feeling. That intimidation that comes from not knowing the people in the circle only makes things worse. You worry that you have nothing to share. Everything you say is going to be lower level than what is going on. You also worry that you are going to ruin things. Like the way that the thing was before was perfect and it is now going to be ruined because you jumped in.
I want to dispel these worries because I think that it is important that, when we are on the outside of a circle, that we ought to find our way in.
This fear is one of the most overpowering fears that someone can experience. You fear that everyone else knows more than you and that have nothing to say because of that. The idea that you have nothing worthwhile to say is a flat out lie.
The most valuable thing that you can offer up just by sharing what you know and do not know is this, the "me too" factor.
You are not alone when you begin to feel the sensation of being alone with a community in front of you. I know this because I have shared this very feeling inside of communities and the response I have always gotten when I share is this, "me too."
Everyone can buy in when they see someone who understands you because they feel the same way.
When you share something in a community, you allow for other people to make a connection through you by expressing that they are in the same place as you. Because you put in what you had to say, everyone else who has that same feeling is then able to express just how what you have said matches up with their thoughts and feelings.
When you are standing on the sidelines, there is nothing but silence. What you have to say is just too valuable. When you express your thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are creating the opportunity for the entire community to see what is inside of the community.
I've talked about how what you have to say is important, but what if you are not the "right fit" for the community that you have joined? What if everything is ruined because of what you said?
Let me first go back to talking about double dutch. You are worried that you are going to ruin the rhythm of the double dutch game, and when you enter it is very likely that you are going to get tripped up in the ropes while there are others who may be better qualified to jump in. But you cannot let this stop you from getting in there.
When you enter in, you are offering yourself up to the opportunity to grow in your skills. Not only do you grow in your ability to double dutch jump rope, but you grow in patience, endurance, forgiveness while the other members grow in those as well.
I have talked about my joining the fencing club at school. I am not good at fencing. I am terrible at fencing, but I still show up because I know that other people are not good at it too. I mean, we all want to be good at it, and that is what we are joining around.
The reality is that the more that you speak up in a community, the more the community begins to take on the form of the members. People make communities. The individual members of the community are the ones who define what the community is.
When you are putting what you have to say, the community begins to take on a "you-ish" form that it didn't have before. It is in this process that you begin to grow comfortable in a community because you are changing the community to better reflect who you are.
The truth is that you are not going to be comfortable until you make your place in the circle. But you have to make your place there because the community needs you.
When you share what you know and do not know, think, feel, and desire you are then creating opportunities for others to say, "me too." That "me too" factor is what makes the community so valuable. It offers for other people to find themselves in the community.
When you are sharing, you are doing the work of making the community more reflective of the members within it. When you begin sharing, the circle opens up and the circle takes on a new shape, one that includes you.
What is holding you back?
What is the fear that is driving you to not engage in your communities?
What could go wrong if you opened up and shared?
