In this post I will tell you the secret to making good friends. This post will be short and fiery and it may quote Shia LaBeouf, but first I must tell you a story.
One of my favorite quotations comes from Ghandi. "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Now you may think that this is because I am an optimist, which is true, but the real reason I love it is because of the deeper meaning this quote has played in my life.
You see, for the last four years I have spent my Sundays leading a small group of high school kids at church. Each year we have this camp that involves an intense competition and I have tried to be a cheer leader for our community. Thus the cheer was born, "be the ball you wish to see in the can."
We play this game called bolf, ball-golf. The premise is simple. Take a ball, throw it into a garbage can. See the ball, be the ball, put the ball in the can. Tennis balls, golf balls, ping-pong balls, soccer balls, basketballs, volleyballs, you ball it, we throw it.
This is really what the secret is to making good friends. I'm not talking about finding people that are good for being friends. I literally mean making good friends.
Nobody starts off as a good friend. It is not something natural for us. We do not just pop out of the womb ready to listen and be patient and support and care for one another. We pop out looking for that from other people.
If we are going to start demanding it from other people then we need to first start out by figuring out what exactly it is that we are looking for. How can you know if somebody is being a good friend if you do not know what a good friend is?
Know It
Here is my list of what makes a good friend. Good friends are loyal to you. They are honest, patient, compassionate, forgiving, and personal.
You need to come up with your own list of what you think makes a good friend because each person has their own tastes and desires in friends. What I am looking for in a friend may be different than what you are looking for in a friend. There isn't a one-size-fits-all definition of a good friend. You are the one who has to make the determination of what makes a good friend.
To put it simply, you cannot make a good friend out of somebody if you do not know what you are looking for. How do you know if the person is a good friend? They'll never reach a destination if the destination does not exist.
Once you figure out what it is going to take for somebody to be a good friend, the next step is actually easy.
Model It
Every time I have ever trained somebody in how to do something I had to model what I was looking for. When I worked at ColdStone and I trained employees, I modeled the kind of employee that I wanted them to be. When I worked in the warehouse and had to train employees I modeled the kind of employee that I wanted them to be. With your friends, you should model the kind of friend that you want them to be.
Your expectations of them should also be within reason. If you are unable to model that kind of friend then how can you expect them to want to be that kind of friend? Nobody can do the impossible.
Just Do It
Look, yesterday you said tomorrow that you would be a good friend. Show up today and be a good friend. Just do it.
Other people dream about the kind of friends that they want but you are going to get up today and you are going to go and make those kinds of friends by being that kind of friend. Make your dreams come true and just do it.
Now, you are sitting here thinking, "Sam! That is impossible! How is it possible for me to be perfect all of the time!?!?!I am not perfect!"
Let me tell you the secret, you can never be perfect.
But you can be somebody who is trying to be.
The kind of friend that you should be looking for isn't somebody who is perfect. They do not exist. The kind of friend you should be looking for is somebody who is trying to be the perfect friend.
Yeah, you are not going to be perfect and that is the important thing that you understand. Nobody is perfect. When you begin to see your own imperfection you start to understand that your friends are not going to be perfect either.
This is how you make good friends. You do not stand around and complain about them, you just do it.
That community that I was telling you about, the one where we say "be the ball you wish to see in the can." I had to leave that community at the end of the summer. My time was up. I was moving to another state.
They gave me a chance to share one final message with them and this is what I had to say. I'm going to change the wording a little bit because it was sort of specific to their community situation.
Be the friend you wish to see in the world.
The way you eradicate bad friends is by showing them what a good friend is. If everybody was showing everybody how to be a good friend then no one would even have an idea of what it would look like to be a bad friend.
Be the friend you wish to see in your life and you will get good friends. You will make good friends.
Just do it.
I'll Say it Again.
Be the change you wish to see in the world. This is really what the secret is to making good friends.
Nobody starts off as a good friend.
How can you know if somebody is being a good friend if you do not know what a good friend is? You need to come up with your own list of what you think makes a good friend.
With your friends, you should model the kind of friend that you want them to be. If you are unable to model that kind of friend then how can you expect them to want to be that kind of friend? Nobody can do the impossible.
Show up today and be a good friend. Just do it. Other people dream about the kind of friends that they want, make those kinds of friends by being that kind of friend.
You can never be perfect. But you can be somebody who is trying to be. The kind of friend you should be looking for is somebody who is trying to be the perfect friend.
The way you eradicate bad friends is by showing them what a good friend is. Be the friend you wish to see in your life and you will get good friends. You will make good friends.
Bubble Bath Questions:
How are you modeling being a bad friend?
How are you modeling being a good friend?
What is it going to take for you to commit to being a better friend?
