Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser Guest: Sarma Melngailis
Episode Summary
In this raw and powerful episode, host Vanessa Reiser, licensed therapist and author, sits down with Sarma Melngailis — the trailblazing vegan chef and entrepreneur behind Pure Food and Wine who became the subject of Netflix's 2022 docuseries Bad Vegan. Sarma opens up about the psychological manipulation, coercive control, and media distortion she endured, and how her 2025 memoir, The Girl with the Duck Tattoo, reclaims her truth.
Topics Covered
- Sarma's background: from Wall Street to Wharton to the French Culinary Institute and founding New York's first upscale raw vegan restaurant
- How she was targeted by Anthony Strangis (referred to as "Mr. Fox"), who entered her life through a false identity during a period of vulnerability
- The role of Alec Baldwin's Twitter connection in lending Mr. Fox false credibility
- How the Netflix docuseries Bad Vegan re-traumatized abuse survivors by manipulating its audience — mirroring the gaslighting tactics of abusers
- The pattern of narcissists and predators targeting successful, accomplished women — and why
- How predators exploit spirituality, future faking, and manufactured "destiny" narratives to destabilize their victims
- The Epstein connection: how even powerful men are not immune to manipulation and cult-like attachment
- Sarma's late-in-life autism diagnosis and how unrecognized vulnerabilities can be exploited
- The criminal justice system's failure to recognize coercive control — and how the post–#MeToo landscape may have changed her outcome
- Life after incarceration at Rikers Island, ongoing re-traumatization, and the long road to healing
- The healing power of storytelling, journaling, and the process of writing her memoir
- Practical advice: gray rocking, safely recording interactions, and reclaiming power while still in a toxic situation
- Why survivors who've lived through abuse are more willing and able to face these dark stories — and what that says about healing
About the Guest
Sarma Melngailis is the founder of Pure Food and Wine and One Lucky Duck, author of The Girl with the Duck Tattoo (2025), and the subject of Netflix's Bad Vegan. She is working on a new documentary that tells the true story behind the headlines.
- Book: The Girl with the Duck Tattoo — available on Amazon and at thegirlwiththaducktattoo.com (signed copies available)
- Audiobook: Released March 19th, narrated by Sarma with exclusive bonus content
- Website: sarmaraw.com
- Instagram: Active and responsive to DMs
Key Quotes
"It took getting arrested to set me free." — Sarma Melngailis
"He wormed into my brain and grabbed hold of something. It wasn't love — it was a sickening, cultish attachment." — Sarma Melngailis
"His motivation was to maximally destroy me." — Sarma Melngailis
"Those of us who've been through this have the lens to understand it — and that's part of the healing." — Sarma Melngailis
Resources & Links
- 📚 The Girl with the Duck Tattoo by Sarma Melngailis — thegirlwiththaducktattoo.com
- 🌐 sarmaraw.com — Sarma's writing and blog
- 📸 Instagram: Search Sarma Melngailis
- 🎙️ Narcissistic Abuse with Vanessa Reiser — Follow/subscribe on your podcast platform
- 💬 Support the show on Patreon | Follow on Instagram or YouTube: @VanessaReiserLCSW
Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of psychological abuse, coercive control, financial fraud, incarceration, and trauma. It is intended for mature audiences. Guest opinions are their own. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, legal, or medical advice.
