Another birthday? Another anniversary? Another Valentine’s Day? The longer we’re with our partners, the more monotonous it can seem to engage in genuine celebration. But what if, instead of taking these mile markers for granted, we treat them as opportunities to acknowledge, love, and honor one another?
It turns out that, while those greeting card holidays can often inspire some serious eye-rolls, so-called ‘rituals of connection’ are actually one of the seven predictors of happy and committed relationships. So wait, Dr. Cheryl, it really is all about flowers and chocolates and teddy bears? Well, not exactly. Rituals of connection aren’t necessarily about pricey candlelit dinners and bottles of fancy wine—they’re actually a tool that you can use on a monthly, weekly, even daily basis to foster and strengthen the bond that you share... But a few surprise bottles of nice champagne and a big bunch of flowers sure won’t hurt anything, either.
In this episode, I talk about what matters with celebrations—not a big surprise, not anything extravagant, but the intentionality, the planning, and the thoughtfulness that goes into it all. Celebrations don’t have to be extravagant and elaborate to show someone that you’re thinking about them and that you care. I explain the Buddhist concept of dāna that says that you’re not good at being generous unless you’re also good at receiving generosity... and tell about how I almost broke my dad’s heart when I learned the meaning of dāna the hard way. I teach you how important it is to stop resisting celebrations, and how sincere acknowledgment of special events can be totally life-changing. Buy a card, go on a random weekday date night, show up unexpectedly on a great friend’s doorstep with a gorgeous bouquet from your garden—all of it says to the receiver: “Look how much you mean to me.”
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
There are a lot of empty rituals that we go through out of habit—but there are just as many causes for genuine and sincere celebration. (03:22)
My husband and I are big on celebrating birthdays and anniversaries. We even celebrate the anniversary of our fabulous first date! (08:16)
Celebrations, rituals, anniversaries, birthdays, and (even!) Valentine's Day are really good excuses in our busy world to slow down, show up, and do something thoughtful, meaningful, selfless, and kind for the ones we love. (12:58)
If you can’t be given an unexpected gift without apologizing for not giving one in return, you are crappy at receiving and not truly generous. (19:41)
We all live extraordinarily busy lives—take some time to make sure celebrations of life’s important moments are front and center. Today's happy homework: plan some celebrations. (25:27)
Your weekly LoveByte. (28:33)
Q&A:
Why should I celebrate my anniversary? Sharing in celebrations with your partner makes them feel loved and appreciated. Celebrating and planning for life’s special moments together is a way to tangibly show them that you care.
What should I do for my partner for Valentine’s Day? No matter what you do with your partner to celebrate with them, make sure it’s intentional and thoughtful. Showing them that you care enough to make the day special is the most important part.
How can I make a celebration special for my loved one? Celebrations don’t have to be elaborate surprises, they can be as simple and meaningful as a special bottle of wine or a bouquet from your garden. As long as there is thought and care put into a celebration, it will be a special moment.
Sign up here for the waitlist to the Become Passion - Create Love That Lasts a Lifetime online immersion couples program with Dr. Cheryl. Be the first to know when the doors open and get some special bonuses.
Resources:
Buddha's Bedroom
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