In this episode of How I Made It Through, host Kristin Taylor sits down with Martha Heymann, an end of life doula who has been advocating for the dying conversation since the death of her late husband in 1993. Martha's journey led her to become a certified lay chaplain for Children's Hospital, a grief coach, and eventually an end of life doula with the International End of Life Doula Association. She is also a Deaf educator, facilitator at death over dinner game nights, a writer, and a ceramic artist.
Key Discussion Points:
1. The Role of an End of Life Doula: Martha explains that an end of life doula provides non-medical, emotional, and holistic spiritual death education. They offer support and planning from the moment of diagnosis, helping families understand when to introduce hospice for the comfort and care of their loved ones.
2. Martha's Personal Journey: Martha shares her personal experience of losing her husband while being a new mother to twin boys. This experience led her to volunteer at a hospital, which eventually evolved into her becoming a hospital chaplain and later an end of life doula.
3. Death Over Dinner Game Nights: Martha discusses the concept of death over dinner game nights, an initiative that combines two different concepts to create a safe space for people to discuss death, dying, and grief. The aim is to normalize the conversation around death and provide a platform for people to share their thoughts and fears.
4. Legacy Projects: Martha shares an example of a legacy project, an initiative where the dying person leaves something behind for their loved ones. This can be an interview, a piece of writing, or anything that the person wishes to be remembered by.
5. The Dying Process: Martha gives a poignant account of the dying process from the perspective of an end of life doula. She talks about the importance of creating a comforting environment for the dying person, filled with their favorite sounds, smells, and memories.
6. The Importance of Language in Grief: Martha stresses the importance of using the right language when consoling someone who is grieving. Instead of using generic phrases, she encourages people to express their feelings honestly and offer specific ways in which they can support the grieving person.
7. Self-Care for End of Life Doulas: Martha discusses the importance of self-care for end of life doulas. She emphasizes the need for meditation, journal writing, and quiet time to process the intense experiences they are exposed to.
This episode provides a deep and compassionate insight into the work of end of life doulas and the importance of creating a safe and comforting space for people to navigate their grief.