Characteristics of Anger:
- Theme: Being thwarted in pursuit of goal that matters to you
- Effects: Anger controls, punishes and retaliates
- Dangerous effect: Anger calls forth more anger. It is difficult not to respond to anger with anger, especially when it appears unjustified
- Why do people want to change anger?
- It is the dangerous emotion that can quickly hurt others, psychologically, and physically
- Many taught not to express anger -> guilt, shame
- For some own anger can get out of control -> fear
Common Anger Triggers
- Interference and lack of efficacy
- Disrespect
- Someone trying to hurt us
- Another person’s anger
- Injustice: both societal and personal (not being given credit for work)
- Disappointment in how a person has acted
- Betrayal, abandonment, rejection
- Being falsely accused
- Breaking a cultural rule
Anger Antidotes
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
- Don’t take it personally!
- Is the other person mirroring your own unwanted qualities?
- Do you have a need that is not being met?
- Check your expectation!
- Check for an underlying emotion (fear, hurt, vulnerability)
- Is there an important message?
- Keep a healthy distance from triggering objects!
- Cultivating loving-kindness and compassion
