Mall Rats
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Spreadsheet Numbers:
highest rated movies so far:
1) Lone Survivor (.25 beers)
2) The Sandlot (.5 beers)
3) Breakfast Club (.875 Beers)
4) Weezer Blue Album (1 beer)
5) Boondock Saints (1.5 beers)
Lowest Rated So Far:
1) Double Dragon - 4.875
2) Wet Hot American Summer - 4.625
3) Bloodsport and Backdraft - 3.875
4) Weather Man - 3.625
5) Independence Day - 3.375
Current totals/averages:
Average score overall: 2.4 beers
Given out a total of 264 beers
-Stephen averages 2.4 beers, 64.5 total given out
-Chris averages 2.6, with 71.5 given out
-Trey averages 2.7, with 72.5 given out
-Tucker averages 2 beers, with 55.5 given out.
Mall Rats
Written and Directed by: Kevin Smith
Starring: Jason Lee, Jeremy London, Shannen Doherty, Claire Forlani, Ben Affleck, Jason Mewes, Joey Lauren Adams, Michael Rooker, and Kevin Smith
Released: October 20, 1995
Budget: $6.1M ($10.9M 2021)
Box Office: $2.1M ($3.8M 2021) worldwide
Ratings: IMDb 7.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes 57%
Metacritic 41% Google Users 88%
It is the second film in the View Askewniverse after 1994's Clerks, although, chronologically, Mallrats takes place a day before.
In January 2020, Smith revealed that development on a sequel film has started again, this time under the title Twilight of the Mallrats.
First time you saw the movie?
Plot:
The film opens at the Governors Ball, the Gov emerges, drunk. Jared Svenning approaches her about some money he was promised, he tells her about his tv station, the one that draws the lotto numbers, and how they're putting on a live show this weekend from the mall. The camera pans up to Brandi stargazing, trying to finish a paper, when TS finds her, and asks if shes coming to watch his last performance. As they part, looking forward to a Florida trip, Brandi tells TS shes helping her father with a tv dating game, so she can't go with him. Brandis hair gets caught in the trigger, prompting security to return fire. They realize its Svennings daughter, and the governor tears up his check. TS tries to apologize, and Svenning tells him off. Brandi breaks up with him, even after he says he was going to propose in Florida. Cut to intro credits.
Brodie is woken up by Rene, they argue about breakfast, and Rene confesses that she cries in the bathroom, Brodie asks why, (SOUND 1)C. As she exits his room, so his mom doesn't see her, she breaks up with him. TS arrives to Brodies with the press close behind. The commiserate being dumped by their women. Brodie thinks he was dumped because he farted when Rene was going down on him the week prior, then he suggests going to the mall. They head to Brandis house, but the press are waiting, so Brodie runs interference and tells some wild stories about satanic masses and goat sex...Trey, does it remind you of Fraternity initiation? As Brandi and TS attempt to make up, he becomes super possessive and she pulls away again. Svenning is caught naked, and chases everyone away. They finally arrive at the mall, with Brodie giving TS some hard truths.
S:
-TS calling her stupid science major... Mmmm... Nah.
-Ever fart on a girl going down on you?
-TS just tries to "forget about" what happened...
-Rooker doing the boxing in the mirror... Def see "stump" when the towel falls. Never noticed that before...
-I also don't remember the musket in the hair thing
As they enter the mall, Brodie is bumped into by Shannon, the manager of fashionable male. Tense words are exchanged, and they carry on, to find a stage being built. Looking for answers, they ask Willam, who is trying to see a magic eye poster (SOUND 2), but he informs them the stage is for Svennings show. Brodie suggests sabotaging the show/stage, enter Jay and Silent Bob (SOUND 3). They agree to wreak havoc by removing one critical cross beam, while trying to avoid Mall Cop LaFlours. Willam looses his shit when a little girl sees a schooner (SOUND 4)...followed by Brodie explainning how Superman would, or wouldn't be able to have sex with women (SOUND 5)...then if the cookie shack is part of the food court (which it's not). Brodie approaches Rene and gets set straight. Jay and Silent Bob attempt their first plan, (SOUND 6) which is derailed by a kids wooden toy and Bob crashes into the womens change room. After a weird segue, Brodie and TS meet Trisha who is 15 and writing a book about the Sexual drive of men 18-30...and it's revealed she slept with Shannon, and 49 other dudes, like Tucker, while Brodie can't let go of the kid on the escalator. Trying to get into the comic shop, and he almost starts a fight, finally finding out Stan Lee is signing comics. Jay and Silent Bob try plan #2, with Bob flying through the air, over LaFlours...but missing the pin and crashing into another womens change room. TS and Brodie commiserate again about Stan Lee and being broken up with, when Jay and Silent Bob hide from LaFlours, and give up on trashing the stage... when they see Rene with Shannon. TS runs interferance, and Brodie takes her in the elevator, so they can scream and argue at each other, when she attacks his libedo, and they have sex in the elevator... Which doesn't change anything, and she calls his dick small. Gwen surprises TS, and he elbows her in the tit, telling him she saw Brandi by the stage. He goes and to confronts Svenning, who admits he did want them to break up. TS, Brodie and Gwen share some exposition, and history, with Brodie using where to put your arm when you sleep with someone as a metaphor for his relationship with Rene. Brodie goes to get a drink, and Shannon grabs him, and kicks the shit out of him, eventually telling him his plan of banging her somewhere very uncomfortable, like the back of a Volkswagon, Brodie agrees to leave her alone, and Shanon leaves...without leaving him $20. m
S:
-Were ya'll able to do the magic eye posters?
-They use a LOT of words and don't say anything.
-Weirdest place you've ever had sex?
-Anyone else think its gross she tries on panties like that?
-Whichever version I'm watching, there are a lot of differences, and the beating went MUCH longer than I remember.
TS and Gwen find Brodie, who blames the easter bunny for kicking his ass. Jay and Silent Bob then go assault the easter bunny, with the kids joining in. Gwen goes and tells Brandi TS is there and that he's a great guy. Svennings assistant comes to fetch TS, and Brodie suggests TS stink palm him, using his own hand as an example. TS speaks with Svenning, which he's obviously is stalling for time, and takes issue when TS mentions marrying Brandi, he tells a bit about their history, her mother being 15, himself 14 when she was born. Explaining to him how and why TS will not marry his daughter because of her bright future, and that he has no ambition, no chance of making it, and he will not be marrying his daughter. Brodie arrives, and applies said stink palm, even giving some chocolate covered pretzels, which he greedily eats. Security pounces on the boys, and takes him away, with Svenning keeping the pretzels... As the security guards drag TS and Brodie, they yell at Renae to get Jay and Silent Bob, who she finds with Willam staring at the magic eye, setting up one of the best jokes in the movie, when Willam looks at Rene and says, "Brenda?" Jay and Silent Bob rescue Brodie and TS from security, and then grapple hook to safety. Brodie and TS hide at the 'dirt mall' and go to get some sage advice from Ivana, the topless palm reader. TS is totally against the topless reading, but Brodie is into it... Until she takes off her top, and they switch. Brodie is grossed out, and TS becomes enamored. As they leave, she peels of the thrid nipple and eats it. They return to the mall, with his plan to get on the tv show. TS approaches Jay and Silent Bob for help. Brodie is oogling some lingerie, when he's approached by Stan Lee.
S:
-I remember the stink palm, but have any of y'all ever done it?
Jay approaches the contestants to smoke them out. Brodie is asking Stan Lee all sorts inappropriate questions about super heros dicks, and like Tucker, was disappointed when he wouldn't tell (SOUND 6.5). Stan talks with him about relationships and women, which Stan had a running count with Mick Jagger, and that he was ahead. He gives Brodie a long story about the one that got away, and how he'd give everything up for one more day with her (SOUND 7). He leaves, and Brodie takes off. TS thanks Stan for talking to Brodie, who has gotten Silent Bob and Trisha to help him. TS and Brodie take the place of the two suiters Jay smoked out. Svenning barfs when he sees TS and Brodie on the stage. Brandi comes on stage (like I've done once or twice), and starts asking questions to the suiters, with some fairly funny responses(SOUND 8). Brodie continues make fun of every answer Gil makes, making everyone laugh, and infuriating Svenning. They continue, when Brodie tells a story about his uncle started beating off on an airplane when they think they're going to die. Brandi figures out TS and Brodie are on the stage, and they have their confrontation. Brodie eloquently sums everything up (SOUND 9) Everyone applauds, except Gill and Svenning. Outside, the police arrives. Stan Lee walks by Willam commenting, "oh, a sailboat" sending Willam on a rage. As the host is wrapping up the show, and Brodie confesses his love for Rene, and Shannon starts to come at him to beat him again, Silent Bob is trying to reach the tape that was dropped, as Willam laments about not seeing the sail boat, Brodie calls on Silent Bob, who can't reach the tape, Willam hits the support, knocking the tape in to Bobs hands as he was trying to jedi mind trick it, with a look directly at the camera, he plays the tape of Shannon banging Trisha, and the cops arrest him. The cops allow one punch to the gut... Is that a California law? I know in Alabama we get WAY more punches before and after being arrested, right Tucker? Jay asks Bob how the got the tape, with the Jedi mind trick, prompting Bobs only line: "Adventure, excitement, a Jedi craves not these things." Brodie and Rene make up. Svenning is trying to convince the network guys to give him another shot, that they decline, but want Brodie for a network talk show host. Svenning is arrested for FCC violations... As it ends, Brodie has taken over hosting duties of the Tonight Show, but still lives with his parents. Rene became his band leader, Svenning got his network position, in prison. TS and Brandi got married when Jaws pops out of the water at Universal Studios, Tricias book spent 72 weeks on the new york times best seller list, with a movie coming out (with LaFlours running her security, and probably a few trains). Shannon made new friends in prison, and Willam eventually saw the boat, Jay and Silent Bob is a whole different story... roll credits.
Loses something over the years. It's juvenile and obviously unrealistic. Not really ever having watch a ton of Kevin Smith movies or the View Askew-niverse movies, I found this one the most relatable and fun as a kid, because we all liked to go to the mall. But it dates itself, and not well.
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