Is shame different than guilt? Is there such a thing as ‘good shame’? Shame is that thing that whispers to our souls. It drives us from safety and limits our potential and reach. In today’s episode, listen in as Gina & Polly examine shame and what we can do about it. Bring your weapons. It’s time to slay some shame in all our lives!
Action Steps
Using the list from the article titled Toxic Shame (the one we read from in this episode), identify what is familiar and working against you in your life. Then, since vulnerability is the antidote to shame, share it with a safe person in your life.
After hearing us discuss how we label ourselves with shame ('m an idiot. I'm unworthy. I'm not good enough, smart enough, etc.) how do you recognize this as something you do to yourself or others?
Begin noticing this. Intentionally label it and choose to replace it with grace.
When you hear a pervasive and constant message of shame internally, who does that voice sound like? If you can't identify it's root, get some help doing this.
Reach out to us if you need help in any of these areas.
Share this podcast with someone you love.
RESOURCES
The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson
What if we told you that we view shame as a disease that reaches us at a soul-level. I spiritual disease, if you will. It’s insidious, reaching deeper and authoring more of our story that we imagine. In Psychiatrist, Curt Thompson’s book, The Soul of Shame, he helps us get a better picture of what shame is, not just from a spiritual perspective, but from a neurobiological one as well. With examples, science, a spiritual perspective and research, Thompson helps us identify shame in our own lives and gives us tools to combat it. We believe his work is powerful and life-changing. Remember to share it with a friend. The journey can be most powerful when shared with a friend.
I Thought It Was Just Me by Brene Brown
There is a false assumption going around that if we are imperfect we are then inadequate. This is a driver for shame. Its what forces us into believing that we must pretend. Be something, someone that we’re not in order to not be judged, shamed or excluded from connection. We love this book because it pushes back on ALL of that…well…crap.
The ideas and principles in this book are ones to share with your kiddos. Let’s work on helping the next generation slay shame before the battle gets too big!
Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw
While this book was written nearly two decades ago, it still sells thousands of copies each year. Some find its perspective to be controversial, we find it to be healing. Particularly for those who have had manifestations of the shame cycle play out through addiction and codependency. Bradshaw’s work is important and helpful. Read with an open heart and mind. If you find yourself with butt-scrunch moments as you read it, do the good, hard work of looking at where those feelings might be coming from. Perhaps the book is triggering in you the very thing that needs confronting. Hhhmmm…..
Released from Shame: Moving Beyond the Pain of Your Past by Sandra Wilson, Ph.D.
For me personally (Gina), this has been a wonderful book in my own journey as well as for many of my clients. You will find compassion and challenge, all rolled up into one wonderful resource that provides direct questions aimed at helping you address your shame. It has several exercises and practical steps to aide you in the fight against shame in your story. Oh! And a there’s a bonus. Wilson also includes help for parents who want to break the intergenerational cycle of shame and give their children a "grace-based" foundation for life. That is truly a gift that can keep on giving!
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