Maintainable Nails: Bonus Episode 02
Robby is joined by eccentric billionaire inventor and voice actor Duncan Thorpe, broadcasting from a secret island off the coast of Northern Europe. Together, they take listeners on a deeply unhinged (yet disturbingly logical?) journey into the tyranny of mammalian nail maintenance and the radical future of nail replacement.
đ Episode Highlights
- [00:00:00] Welcome and Introductions: Robby introduces Duncan Thorpe and sets the tone for a conversation that quickly derails in unexpected directions.
- [00:01:10] Are Maintainable Nails Even Possible? Duncan rejects the premise of nail upkeep entirely, calling it a lie rooted in genetic tyranny.
- [00:02:05] Disrupting the Nail Space: Duncan introduces his biotech venture, Hard Ass Nails, and explains why humanity must transcend traditional nails.
- [00:03:30] How Clicky Made Him Billions: Duncan recalls his invention of a one-click shopping platform and how it financed his nail revolution.
- [00:04:30] Legal Woes and Voice Acting Scandals: Robby tiptoes around litigation, including lawsuits from the San Diego Zoo and a failed show called Footy Talk.
- [00:06:10] The Industrial Nail Complex: Duncan discusses lobbying, sabotage, and his break with the traditional nail-care establishment.
- [00:07:00] Space-Grown Diamond Nails: Why stop trimming your nails when you can replace them with shimmering sheets of lab-grown perfection?
- [00:07:40] A Blinding Reveal: Duncan warns Robby about the dazzling visual effects of his diamond nailsâviewer discretion advised.
- [00:08:00] DIY Vaccines and Clone Ethics: Duncan details his self-sourced COVID vaccine, brewed with blood from younger versions of himself.
- [00:09:30] Mass Adoption & Cultural Shifts: Could society embrace surgically implanted diamond nails? What about survival rates?
- [00:11:00] Astronaut Hygiene & Nail Clippings in Zero-G: Duncan explains how standard nails pose existential risks on the International Space Station.
- [00:13:10] Beyond Nail Polish: Robby reflects on the psychology of nail adornment; Duncan insists diamond nails force emotional reckoning.
- [00:15:10] Free NailsâIf You Join the Martian Program: Listeners can qualify for complimentary Hard Ass Nails by enlisting in Duncanâs space or subterranean missions.
- [00:18:00] Where to Sign Up: Clicky Prime or hardassnails.nailsâplus a quick blood test to determine if you're "genetically suited."
- [00:20:00] Redefining âNailsâ: Duncan campaigns to rename construction nails to eliminate semantic confusion with human nails.
- [00:21:10] Closing Thoughts: Robby thanks Duncan, who insists this interview âhas happened.â Mission accomplished.
đ§Ș Mentioned Projects
- Hard Ass Nails â Duncanâs biotech venture replacing fingernails with diamond implants
- Clicky â One-click shopping platform that sparked Duncan's empire
- Footy Talk â Duncanâs banned late-night show about foot and hand care
- Martian Colonization Program â Enroll via Clicky Prime for free upgrades
đ About Maintainable Nails
Maintainable Nails explores the cutting edge of nail care innovation through long-form interviews with the worldâs boldest thinkers in nail technology, maintenance philosophy, and post-mammalian beauty trends.
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đ This episode is part of an annual satirical tradition released by Maintainable.fm for April Fools'. All interviews are fully improvised and intended for entertainment purposes only.
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