What if your biggest relationship failure could become your greatest breakthrough?
In this deeply insightful episode, Ian Bowen sits down with Bryan Power, relationship coach and founder of My Relationship Fail. Bryan opens up about his own journey through a dysfunctional childhood, abandonment wounds, and a marriage that nearly ended in divorce, sharing how he turned his pain into a powerful coaching practice dedicated to helping others heal.
Bryan breaks down the concept of “death by a thousand paper cuts” in relationships and introduces the six pillars of integrated attachment theory. He explains why listening to defend, instead of to understand, is a silent killer of connection, and how emotional regulation, boundary-setting, and repairing core wounds can transform even the most strained partnerships.
Whether you’re struggling in a relationship, recovering from a breakup, or simply wanting to understand yourself better, this episode is a masterclass in turning relational pain into personal power.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
1. How Bryan’s childhood trauma shaped his early understanding of love and connection.
2. Why “death by a thousand paper cuts” is what often ends relationships and not big blow-ups.
3. The danger of listening to defend instead of listening to understand.
4. What dismissive avoidance is and how it shows up in conflict.
5. The six pillars of integrated attachment theory and how to apply them.
6. How to regulate your emotions before having hard conversations.
7. Why the “cup in the sink” isn’t really about the cup and what it’s actually about.
8. How to reframe relationship failures as opportunities for growth.
Key Takeaways:
1. Failure Is Feedback: Your relationship breakdowns can become breakthroughs if you’re willing to learn.
2. Heal Your Core Wounds: Until you address your subconscious triggers, you’ll keep replaying the same patterns.
3. Listen to Understand, Not Defend: Shift from a defensive posture to a curious, team-minded approach.
4. Emotional Regulation Comes First: Never have serious conversations when you’re emotionally triggered.
5. Communication Is a Skill: Most relationship problems stem from poor communication, not lack of love.
6. You Can’t Heal What You Don’t Feel: Acknowledge and work through your emotions instead of avoiding them.
7. Set Boundaries with Love: Healthy boundaries protect the relationship; they don’t wall it off.
8. Turn Breakups into Breakthroughs: Use relational pain as fuel for personal growth and deeper connection.
Timestamps:
00:00 – Welcome to the Positive Persistence Podcast
01:10 – Introducing Bryan Power and My Relationship Fail
02:30 – How childhood trauma shapes adult relationships
05:00 – Bryan’s story: From rocky relationships to coaching
08:15 – What is “death by a thousand paper cuts”?
10:45 – The importance of self-awareness and ownership
13:20 – Listening to defend vs. listening to understand
16:30 – How to pause when emotions run high
19:45 – Attachment styles and dismissive avoidance explained
23:10 – The six pillars of integrated attachment theory
28:50 – Emotional regulation and practical calming tools
32:40 – Why the “cup in the sink” isn’t about the cup
36:15 – How to communicate needs without attacking
39:30 – Common communication barriers and how to break them
42:50 – Bryan’s lightbulb moment: Overexplaining and feeling unheard
45:00 – How to connect with Bryan and join his mission
46:25 – Closing thoughts: Stay positive, persistent, and open to growth
Connect with Bryan Power:
Website: https://www.myrelationshipfail.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/myrelationshipfail/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bryanwpower/
CONNECT WITH IAN BOWEN:
Website: https://thepositivepersistence.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ianrbowen/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ianrbowen
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@PositivePersistence-ch8fk
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