Navigating intimate relationships while managing a chronic illness can be tricky - how and when do you disclose your disability? How do you experiment with sexual positions without “ruining the mood?” Is it possible to communicate with your partner in a way that’s respectful and empowering?
In this episode, five panelists share their best advice for *all* aspects of romantic and intimate relationships, including:
- Communication tips for all stages of relationships, from first dates to marriage
- How to workaround fatigue that makes it hard to get “in the mood”
- Positions that work for wrist or hip pain
- Lubes that work for dryness
- Workarounds for jaw pain during oral sex
- How do disabilities or health conditions contribute to power dynamics in relationships
- The importance of emotional connections
- The importance of self-love and respect
- Why STD prevention and protection are particularly important for people on immunosuppressive medications
- Panelists’ best advice for newly diagnosed patients who might be worried about how their condition will affect their sex life and relationships
*Trigger warning - in minutes 30-40 there are descriptions of pressuring and coercion into sex without protection
**This episode discusses adult topics (sex) and includes explicit language.
Minute by Minute breakdown:
Episode breakdown:
- 02:00 - Introduction to panelists: Chloe, Jo, Ali, Paulina & Cheryl.
- 3:20 - (Chloe) How juvenile arthritis affected her relationships
- 07:55 – (Jo) How Jo learned the importance of communication
- 11:42 – (Ali) Learning to experiment with positions and work around fatigue
- 16:20 - (Paulina) The importance of communication & emotional connection
- 23:00 - (Cheryl) Reflection on power dynamics in relationships.
- 24:25 – (Chloe) Strong emotional connections affect vaginal lubrication.
- 25:22 – (Chloe) How jaw pain affects oral sex & workarounds, + how fatigue affects sex.
- 33:00 – (Cheryl) The importance of STD testing for partners due to immunosuppression from meds. Experiences feeling pressured in relationships.
- 36:00 – (Chloe) Experiences feeling pressured in relationships.
- 37:45 – (Jo) Tips for positions and lubricants.
- 39:00– (Ali) Being cautious when dating, how to work around fatigue, tips for positions and communication.
- 43:14 - (Paulina) Your partner is not a mind reader. Tips for lubricants for sensitive skin & positions.
- 51:00– (Ali) Best adult toys to use for arthritis.
- 53:00- (Chloe) Communication & practicing positions
- 55:00 – (Cheryl) How sex is an “Activity of daily living” according to occupational therapy. Reflection on sex education now versus in the early 1990s.
- 58:30 – (Paulina) Tips to increase sex drive and address your own pleasure.
- 1:01:00 – (Chloe) Advice for anyone recently diagnosed.
- 1:04:00 (Jo) – Final thoughts and advice, disclosing when you are dating online
- 1:06:00 (Ali) – Final thoughts
- 1:07:00 (Paulina) – Final thoughts and advice
LINKS discussed in the episode
- Where to follow panelists on Instagram: Cheryl @Arthritis_Life_Cheryl, Chloe @xchloeumplebyx & @_chronically_happy_ and on Etsy at SpoonfulOfChronic, Jo @thejosphere, Ali @Anotherdaywithra, Paulina @with.paulina and @_chronically_happy_
- Rheumatoid Arthritis Online course - link for the waitlist!
- Versus arthritis - Sex & Arthritis booklet
- RA and Intimacy article from Arthritis Foundation
- Citation: 70% do not reach orgasm (climax) through penetration alone and require clitoral stimulation
- Vibrator recommended: Satisfyer Pro Traveler - Clitoral Vibrator
- Free Handout: Cheryl’s Master Checklist for Managing RA
- Cheryl’s Facebook group: Arthritis Life Podcast, Practical Tips & Positive, Realistic Support
- This episode is brought to you by the Rheumatoid Arthritis Roadmap, your guide to a full life with RA. It’s an online program Cheryl created to give people tools to confidently manage their social, emotional and physical life with rheumatoid arthritis.
- Medical disclaimer: All content found on the Arthritis Life public channels was created for generalized informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
*For full speaker bios, see www.myarthritislife.net
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