Cindy Esliger addresses defensiveness at work, that tendency that some of us have to walk into work already braced for a fight. We assume criticism is coming even when it isn’t and tend to perceive questions directed at us as personal attacks. We probably don’t even realize we’re doing it. Cindy breaks down why we assume a defensive posture and how to identify those patterns, and she shows what it looks like to shift from reacting to responding. Ultimately, self-awareness is a much more powerful tool than justifying and deflecting.
Heading into work on the defensive isn’t a case of everything being wrong at all times, but it is often a learned behavior. We’re always bracing ourselves for criticism as a survival strategy. But it’s mentally exhausting and can be a career liability. Cindy describes five common risks we encounter when our default is defensiveness: 1. Damaged relationships, 2. Missed learning opportunities, 3. Reinforcing negative perceptions and stereotypes of women in male-dominated spaces, 4. Emotional overload, and 5. Stalled career progress.
Cindy explains that shifting from defensive reacting to actual responding can take time, and we often mistake compliance for commitment. Compliance means doing what we’re told just because we have to. Many of us fear that. But commitment means doing things because we believe in them. That’s our goal. Cindy offers five practical ways to help us shift out of defensive mode: 1. Before any high-stakes conversation, breathe, 2. Ask reflective questions in real time, 3. Create a pause buffer between emotion and reaction, 4. Name the emotion, and 5. Choose curiosity over certainty. It’s time to lay down our armor and be intentional about our presence at work.
Resources discussed in this episode:
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Contact Cindy Esliger
Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email
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