MONEY ISN’T THE PROBLEM
Ask any couple what causes the most stress in their marriage, and they’ll probably say “money”. However, the problem isn’t usually money itself – or even lack of money. No, financial tension in a marriage more often springs from bad attitudes, unrealistic expectations, and wrong assumptions about how to handle money.
Part of the problem is that everything has a money angle. Most of our plans, desires, hopes, and dreams involve some kind of financial activity. That means you’re constantly facing emotional questions about how to spend, save, borrow, earn and give your money. And chances are, you and your spouse don’t always agree about those things.
On top of that, you have personality differences. Maybe he’s a saver, she’s a spender, or she loves yard sales, he prefers buying new, or he wants to borrow to buy a car now, while she wants to wait to pay cash.
All this disagreement can stem from childhood experiences, long-standing expectations, or even misunderstandings about how finances really work. Put it all together, and it's a recipe for conflict.
If you’re married, you surely know what we’re talking about!
There’s another factor at work here, in the matter of money and marriage. As we’ve said so often, our attitudes and actions relating to money are an indication of what’s in our hearts. Sinful attitudes like greed, selfishness, anger, and resentment can affect how you feel about money, and how you relate to your spouse about the family finances.
Let us offer four recommendations that we hope will change the way you relate to your spouse about money.
First, remember why God brought you together. Christian marriage is a testimony to the world of the love of Christ for his church. It’s meant to be a picture of peace and godly unity. Christian marriage is also an opportunity for spiritual growth. Proverbs 27:17 puts it this way: As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Being sharpened by your spouse in the area of finances can be uncomfortable, but it’s worth the effort to work things out. That brings up our second recommendation.
Communicate. If you’re out of sync about money matters in your household, it’s time for a heart-to-heart talk about money.
In Ephesians 4:2-3, Paul writes, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
HOW TO COME TOGETHER ON MONEY
Here’s how you do that: Set aside some uninterrupted time together. Confess your fear, selfishness, and resentment about money to the Lord and to each other. Ask Jesus to be Lord of your financial life. Ask him to help you work towards unity in the area of money management. Commit to love each other in this area, the way you promised to do on your wedding day.
Above all, be patient with each other. These are very personal issues, but your relationship is more important. Make it a point to look for compromises and middle ground. If you’re a spender and your spouse would rather save every penny, create a plan that allows for a bit of both.
That brings us to our third recommendation for financial peace in marriage. Make a budget together. Your spending plan can allow each personality a little leeway – and a plan made now will take the pressure off both of you later when you’re making financial decisions.
If you’ve been keeping your finances separate, now is the time to bring them together. Separate finances are a dangerous step towards dis-unity in your marriage.
Many couples think separate finances will help them avoid fighting about their differences. But the fact is, this isn’t “his money” and “her money”. It’s not even your money together. It’s God’s money.
We’ll close today with a passage on love that’s so familiar, from 1 Corinthians. It’s the ultimate answer to financial conflict in marriage.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
On today’s program, Rob also answers listener questions:
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on the Moody Radio Network as well as American Family Radio. Visit our website at FaithFi.comwhere you can join the FaithFi Community, and give as we expand our outreach.
Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on the Moody Radio Network and American Family Radio. Visit our website at FaithFi.com where you can join the FaithFi Community and give as we expand our outreach.
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