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The Framework
The Stories - Stage 0 (because developer)
These are some of my stories that can be used as a guide for your own list.
- I’m not athletic
- I’m not graceful
- I can’t dance
- I can’t draw
- I’m not good at math (Watch out for stereotypes from society. This made me think that I couldn’t be a developer)
Learning You’re the Author - Stage 1
Most things are learnable skills (You have agency and the skills are not magic):
- Empathy (See Things Worth Learning episode with Michele Hansen)
- Organization
- Public Speaking
- Creating Art
- Hosting a Podcast
- Doing a handstand
- Becoming an Engineer
Some may be better naturally, and inevitably some people will have been doing it longer. However, you can 100% become really good at most skills. The way you do these skills might be modified depending on your body/mind. Some skills can also have a money/time barrier. However, we have more agency over what skills we can learn than most think, myself included.
Words matter
Just add “yet” or “learning”
- “I can’t dance yet.”
- “I’m learning how to play guitar.”
Even if you have no interest in the skill, changing your language helps you remember that you can do these skills.
Power of Priorities - Stage 2
What skills call to you?
Is there a childhood dream you can try now?
E.g. “Learning how to dance is a priority for me.”
Power of Not a Priority - Stage 3
Feel empowered to say no to things.
Notice the ones that you feel guilty about. Maybe they should be let go.
This can create more space for what you do want to focus on.
E.g. “I could learn guitar, but it is not a priority for me.”
E.g. “I could train to run a marathon, but it is not a priority for me.”
Doing the Work - Stage 4
The earlier stages are more introspective, but here is where the work comes in.
- Don’t remake the wheel, learn from those who came before
- Affirmations are a valuable and useful tool for motivation
- Don’t try to change too quickly (baby steps into a new habit)
- Keep at it regularly until it becomes a habit
- Embrace being bad at it at first, make it fun, and maybe make it the goal
- If somehow you are a natural enjoy that too (but don’t make that part of your identity in this new skill where you will inevitably reach plateaus)
- Let go of past attempts focus on the positive
- Progress isn’t linear (but it is chronologically)
- Can really see this in physical skills
- If you zoom out it trends upwards as long as you keep trying
- Enjoy new milestones, but enjoy the middle also (don’t get sucked up into next trick mindset)
- You’ll spend most of your time in the middle eventually
- Break streaks on purpose (so important for perfectionist)
- A long streak comes with a lot of pressure to keep going, and if it fails can suck out all motivation of starting again
- Streaks are not good for sustainability or longevity of skills
Cycles of Reflection and Refinement - Stage 5
- Do you need to focus on new skills?
- Change your goals?
- Do you need more structure and break up your goals into different categories?
- Any self-care or personal development that you need to focus on?
- Adding self-care tools to your tool belt
Different periods of life
- Adding skills/goals
- Cutting back skills/goals
- Maintaining skills/goals
Decades with a new story - Stage N
If you start now you can have decades with a new story. I find this motivating.
