I gathered all of my finest non-pirated waves, paid one gold coin and cruised to Te Ārai, Friday at noon aboard HMS Van Gogh with Captain Sea Cucumber.
Upon arrival we were greeted by chief Logan Baker for a pōwhiri and had soon prepared a basic buivoac on the outskirts of town. Our crew rallied and explored the region for treasure.
The woods were foaming with wild beasts and the spirits of lost ancestors, I don’t care, I have scouted this land before and felt safe with our posse, most of them are friendly but some were fierce.
We took refuge at one of the many safe havens abroad, starting with the Humming Hut foretold by my son, Captain Oliver John Silver. There, our first mate, Captain CJ Funkowfield had tail feathers scally-wagging on deck above Shipwrecked shoreline as we gathered with the other travellers for rum and a boogie.
We reconvened and were treated to meeting friends, old and new near the large capsized vessel that had Shipwrecked centuries ago. The surrounding woods had become overrun with beasts and wild spirits who too were welcomed to the party.
The next morning I was awoken by the voices of my first mates, we bantered and made a game plan for Saturday. A swim was in order, we eased out to the pontoon where we had an argument with a fisherman about the benefits of inflatable boats, once he simmered we all took pleasure in the acoustics of the Humming Hut from underwater and of course an underwater dance-off with Jenna.
On the horizon boasts a Lucky Star that fell and still miraculously glimmers, accompanied by an array of illusions beyond your wildest dreams. Bodies and souls are invigorated by the sights and sounds that bellow throughout the Jellyfish’s belly, before we met the real life Lorax who told us tales of fantasy, kidnapping and ransom.
The Hidden Reef provides the freshest sashimi, we went expecting tuna sushi, but were met by SOJØURN and were served a 5 course dégustation of fresh NZ fish prepared by Michelin Star chefs.
Later we headed back to camp and ate cheese with a vegan to the backdrop of an enchanting sunset, taking photographs while being serenaded by a mystical travelling flûtiste Dan Dan.
I was full and tired, I went back to headquarters and fell asleep, a 5:30am appointment with the mermaid aboard the Nora Jean was my next priority.
I woke at 5 and snoozed, I was late and shivering me timbers, I wore my penguin wetsuit and ran swiftly to the dock. Luckily the boat was departing 30 minutes late.
I took refuge at the safest place I know, The Nga Iwi, who sunk just off shore before the land was explored and is rarely inhabited. I met with German privateer Ma RkUs and a random traveller, sipped rum and told tales while waiting for the Nora Jean to depart.
It was 6am and a deep, eerie voice told me that I was now the captain. The jealous Janky Mermaid suddenly turned on us and summoned a storm for me to sail through...
I fought off demons, had my crew slay the Kraken and was attacked by an AROKX when I least expected it and unfortunately the Nora Jean is at the bottom of the sea, we sunk but survived, I’m shipwrecked at a very isolated, unknown region.
Rescue me.