(Hello!)
I'd like to thank you all for coming
Just help yourselves to cheese and biscuits
And as my socks dry on the heater
There's something that I have to tell you
It's hard to find a way to put it
And so you'll have to all forgive me
There's only one way I could think of
To say this sort of thing:
I'm weird - and I've got problems
There's nothing more I really need to say
I'm weird - and I've got problems
Now have another canapé
There's sausage rolls and crème brûlée
(Delicious!)
I'm so delighted that you asked me
To interview for this position
I've always said I'd like to work for
The company you're representing
On your employment application
You asked a question I would like to
Expand upon in further detail
If you would give me leave -
To wit:
I'm weird - and I've got problems
I'll be a valuable addition to the team
And that's not even half of it
I'm weird - and I've got problems
My laptop works on coal and steam
Efficiency would be a dream
(Call me!)
It don't take much to make an album,
Just put one song after another
And so on 'til you've got a dozen,
Or twenty-nine or half a million;
Why bother with instrumentation
When you can sing and hit your kneecaps?
If you're like me, you don't even need
An acoustic guitar
(And I am my own backup singers!)
I'm weird
(He's weird!)
And I've got problems
(He's got problems!)
I conga when I don't know what to say
(You'll see!)
I'm weird
(He's weird!)
And I've got problems
(He's got problems!)
And they're not gonna go away
They're getting stronger every day
I'm weird and I've got problems!
I'm weird and I've got problems!
I'm weird and I've got problems!
I'm weird and I've got problems!
(He's weird and he's got problems!)
I'm weird and I've got problems....
