Boo - an extended version of the blog to be published on Moodscope.com on 25th May.
I hope you didn’t jump… for I mean, “Boo…” as in, “Boo hoo,” - crying, not as in, “Boo!” (Like in some ScoobyDoo thing!)
When was the last time you had a really good, unrestrained cry? A proper sob?
You’ve heard people say, “Go and get a proper job,” well, I’m talking about having a proper sob.
I’ve read the unwritten manual for, “Men in the West,” (and their behaviour) and the invisible entry is very clear on this topic: “Big Boys Don’t Cry!” Like stealing a look at my Sister’s Jackie Magazine’s problem page when I was growing up, I then stole a look at the unwritten manual for, “Women in the West,” (and their behaviours) and it said almost the same: “Big Girls Don’t Weep!” (Now, I made that all up, there are no manuals, and our culture on the subject of, “Crying like a Baby,” is equally all made up. It’s all invented. Babies cry because it’s the authentic response to distress.)
Think how many times, as soon as a baby is crying, the comforter, this dummy thing, gets stuffed in their mouth, so that the message is clear: “Babies shouldn’t cry!”
This is all nonsense!
We are meant to cry when we are unhappy, suffering, and are distressed.
Whether you ever saw yourself as a, “Mummy’s Girl” or a, “Mummy’s Boy,” we are all, psychologically at heart, a Mummy’s Boy or Girl.
Like needing a good sob, we need our mummy.
Mum’s have many roles but one of the best is just to be there when the weight of our young world becomes just too much to process and we have a little breakdown… a sob. The hug and the comforting words, “There, there…” are enough to see us through to a new equilibrium, a new level of resilience, but we need the hug, and we need the cry.
My Truth
The truth is, Mum never was much of a hugger, and I don’t ever remember her saying, “There, there… this too shall pass.” However, I do remember, vividly, when Penelope, as a mature, sensible, adult woman, got so low as to simply mouth the words, barely audibly, “I want my Mummy…” Her Mum died young and my Mum passed on last year, so today I’m talking about the generalisation of what, “Mum,” could mean to all of us, and recommending the power of sobbing to help our authentic inner child.
Guanyin
Eastern Philosophy has the figure, Guanyin. Described by Alain de Botton as a saintly female figure associated strongly with mercy, compassion, and kindness. She has shrines all over the East. The Mother Figure. Adults go to her shrines and feel perfectly at liberty to burst into tears.
And this isn’t always about sorrow. Sometimes it’s about being overwhelmed with a sense of compassion and love.
Have the needs of childhood really disappeared? Diminished, they maybe, but I would suggest each of us still has within that three-year-old child in occasional need of comfort.
When faced with unconditional kindness, or deep sorrow, or even the overwhelming enormity of life’s complexities and capriciousness, we need a moment or more of release. I’ve never been a Catholic but listening to the Beatles’ song, “Let It Be,” I’m reassured that, “Mother Mary,” offered them some similar non-judgmental comfort, non-judgmental comfort like that of Guanyin.
So, “When we find ourselves in times of trouble, may the Mother Figure come to you and me, speaking words of wisdom… Let it be.”
No Answer Necessary
Interestingly, in these situations, Guanyin, Mother Mary, the Mother Figure – there’s no answer there, there’s just the words of comfort… and the presence… and the cuddle… and the permission to sob.
The Power of The Carpenters
As for me, I’ll be bunging The Carpenters on the music machine, (“I’ll Say Goodbye To Love,” and other such uplifting songs), running a bath – complete with bubbles, candles, privacy, a glass of red wine, and a good long sob.
No guilt.
No shame.
No hesitation.
Do you need any more permission to do the same?
Let it be.
