Around 1999-2000 I heard about the “Dark Night of the Soul.” Nearly two decades later it finally makes sense to me. I experienced the dark night of the soul in 2014 on a night when all of my secrets came out in the open. My soul was set free and I am no longer a slave to fear. If the dark night of the soul is the night when the enemy (i.e. the flesh, the devil/demons, and the world) is silenced, I most certainly experienced this night as I knelt before my wife and became fully known to her.
"When the soul enters into the dark night, all these things are put under control. The flesh will be quieted, the devil will be silent, and the fear will subside, all because of the fact that God takes away all of the sensory pleasure, and the soul is purified in the absence of it" (Devotional Classics, p. 35).
Prior to this dark night of the soul was the darkest period of my life. I was seven years into marriage and just under a decade of ministry. In hindsight, I see how my soul slowly became calloused and where root sins of deception and idolatry manifested into anger, rage, malice, pride, lust, and unfaithfulness, just to name a few. One of the most shameful events in my life was when I fostered an inappropriate relationship with a friend of our family. God had placed a man in my life named “Plumber Dan” who gave me wise and direct counsel to avoid this woman at all costs just short of sin. I did not heed this counsel and sin begat sin.
Today, we share our story - all of it. We rejoice in the truth that the cross of Christ absorbed all of the shame and guilt that comes with choosing sin over God. The Lord has turned our ashes into beauty and he has turned our shame into his Glory. We have continued our ministry of confession, repentance, and doing life with others.
Why would we dare choose to share ALL of us? Because it is for freedom that Christ has set us free! We are no longer slaves to fear and there is no room in our lives for the spirit of fear, self-condemnation, guilt, shame, or any other yolk of slavery for that matter. The opinions of man pale in comparison to the words of our Father in heaven. I will always clarify with others that I am constantly preaching the gospel to myself because I need to hear it over and over: “Lord, I feel embarrassed to share. But you have set me free and have taken all my shame and guilt away on the cross. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind! I choose to allow you to share my story as I submit my mind and mouth to you. Say what you want to say Lord and I’ll follow.”
After the dark night of the soul I never heard a worship song the same; I never saw people the same; I never worshipped the same; I didn’t parent the same; my whole life was changed. It was as if God reached in and replaced my heart. He had changed my spiritual DNA and I felt re-wired for a life of pleasing the Father and helping set the captives free.
Through the dark night, my pride in Bible knowledge was converted to feeding Jesus’ sheep. My spiritual gluttony turned to exercising the knowledge I acquired to serve others and become a gospel listener for others. In my marriage, I was set free from believing that I “needed” anything from my wife. In fact, I made a list entitled, “What my wife owes me,” which was a blank piece of paper! I no longer criticized others for being “immature” or felt as if I was superior to them. I allowed myself to listen to female speakers! Amazing teachers who have taught me and have depend my faith - Women such as Beth Moore and Priscilla Shrier. God stripped me of my sexist spirit in the dark night.
I am forever grateful for that dark night of the soul and I pray that God, in His grace allows you to experience this dark night for your joy and his glory.
