Tonight on Mysterious Mysteries:
After applying for thirty-nine jobs last month; we decided to take a flight to Borneo to search out the legendary Wildman of Borneo. We flew into Kota Kinabalu with our gear; four cases of Midnight Dragon Malt Liquor, two gallons of Monk Berry Delight, a quarter pound of 'biker weed', nine cases of Beach Cliff sardines and twelve cases of imported kangaroo chowder. We helicoptered to the Kinabatangan River and rented a retired U.S. PT boat from the Vietnam Conflict era. At each stop on the river to poop, we asked natives about the Oofty Goofty or the Wildman of Borneo. When we reached the middle of the river we found a community who worshiped the great beast. After negotiations we were able to meet the Wildman who was nothing but, an oversized Proboscis Monkey who dressed in high heel pumps and preferred anal sex. Welp, back to the job boards and fear based society.
"That little faggot got his own jet airplane. That little faggot's a millionaire." -Dire Straits