It is cosmic and paranormal, of how much everyone treats me like a loser. I go to a party, every woman there has a husband and children. I get on here and have followers like Lisasluht and get messages from shady services offering contests and ten dollar followers. This is the same on all my internet applications. God wants me to give up. My needle on my right hand side turntable filled up with dust on every record during this "tape." Give up to what?! I don't see any way to make my life better. These mixes are the only thing keeping me from collapse. I see people winning everyday as I am left in obscurity. You even make me feel like a loser with almost no listens. If you have an answer I would like to hear it. I have prayed to almost every God on Earth and beyond, for answers to make me happy and content. I cannot stop thinking and that activity calls the thought police. I see memes that say, "Do what you love." Do what I love? With no gratification? My Mom says, "If it's meant to be, than it's meant to be." I don't see anything that is meant to be. I am going back to wanting to wanting to attempt suicide again. I reach out to friends but, it seems they want me to be someone else. I don't even know who they want me to be...? This is what I do. I guess my life will soon be over. I don't fit into your mold and I am alone. I guess that is the cold and punishing world we live in. "My penis needs to win" -Jello Biafra (Revolting Cocks. Viagra Culture)