Episode 6 – The Life After Death Podclass – Reframing Regrets
Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass
I just wish I would have done more for her and told her how much she meant to me. This is what Anna told me about her friend, Sarah.
Anna and Sarah knew of each other in High School, but it wasn’t until many years later that they connected on Social media. In 2013, Sarah posted that she was diagnosed breast cancer. Anna reached out and after a few get-togethers they were fast friends. In February of 2019, Sarah learned thatfter six-years in remission, her breast cancer had come back and it only brought Anna and Sarah closer together as friends - despite Sarah living in Florida.
By mid-year, Sarah was having trouble breathing. After some tests, her oncologist told her that the cancer had moved to her lungs. After an infection affected Sarah’s lungs and the antibiotics caused more issues, and with Sarah’s mother, brother and Anna in hospital room, the oncology team came in and shut the door. A discussion that was supposed to be about the next medication to treat the virus, instead turned into a discussion about Sarah’s end of life.
Anna returned a couple of days later. Sarah was at that place of resolution, and Sarah wanted to talk about it. When Anna was about to leave after this wonderful day with her friend, she said - “I'll see you in a couple of days?” Sarah replied “we’ll see.”
But, for the next 4-days, no one outside of the family was allowed to see her. It upset and made Anna Angry that she couldn’t talk with her friend or hold her hand. Late evening on the fourth day, Sarah’s brother texted Anna to let her know that Sarah had slipped away.
Regrets and guilt are probably second in line to the sadness that you feel when you lose a loved one. Why is that? Guilt is an emotion that is telling us something specific. It’s telling us that we have to reframe our regrets and guilt and TAKE ACTION.
2 years ago, I was coaching a woman, I'll call her Lynn. And, Lynn told me that she lost her husband 30 years ago. To make matters worse, she still felt like she was on day 1 in terms of her grief. Emotionally, she felt as though she lost her husband just yesterday. I asked Lynn to think about if the situation was reversed. “What if you had passed away Lynn, and your husband was still here? Would you want him to continue to live his life? To be happy? To be guilt-free? Without hesitating, Lynn said, “Oh yes!”
If you’ve lost a loved one:
• Identify what your guilt is telling you. What are you telling yourself?
• Determine what you are going to do about it. What will you be doing differently from now on?
• Put the new action into practice right away. How will you remind yourself of this often?
If you’re supporting someone else:
• Help your friend or family member to reframe their narrative.
• Use examples from your own reframing experience to help them see what’s possible.
Guilt is such a powerful emotion, we do have the power to change our thoughts about it. We cannot turn the clock back. But, we can move forward and let the guilt go. And that’s ok.
Let's continue to walk together.
Email: eric@erichodgdon.com
Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8
Website: www.erichodgdon.com
Instagram: @ericbhodgdon
