3. the rapids [prod. Mattaveli]
(Forest footsteps)
(Door)
Sometimes I go to the bathroom
Just cause I need a break
I sit down on the floor
My hands cover my face
Or i sit inside a stall
Just trying to get some space
I wanna cry but I'm torn
Between what I feel and fake
Cause I'm afraid to be seen
In such a pitiful state
while at work, or while at home
Or some other public place
I try to keep it together
But man this is hard to take
Don't even know what I feel
but it's heavy weight
its like walking through a swamp
then suddenly, its a lake
I was trekking now I'm treading
As I'm pulled in by the waves
i just grab onto a log
As I start to drift away
the walk turns to a jog
as the current starts to change
i look ahead, there’s rocks
the river’s bearing it’s teeth
and all i can do is hold
onto this former tree
I shut my eyes, they’re closed
the flow, it quickens me
a little bumpy at first
Uncomfortable say the least
But it's just gonna get worse
first, definitely
Before it gets better
that is just how it be
So i tighten up my grip
As I bounce along the stream
I'm smashing right into sticks
And other kinds of debris
but now its getting rough
like a storm out in the sea
the water’s starting to throw
the rapids are at its peak
im getting thrown up and down
Then im pushed way underneath
I go from this side to that
Like a leaf trapped in the breeze
I crash and cut my back
i open my mouth to scream
(Gasp for air)
but right when i open it
the water silences me
it rushes into my lungs
making it hard to breathe
I’m choking, I’m struggling
to cling to my sanity
but that’s when i realize
i no longer grip the tree
I’m underneath the water
and it’s pulverizing me
it beats me to the dirt
it’s breaking my arms and knees
air bubbles leave my mouth
as i fade into a dream
I’m losing consciousness
i start to see memories
the past and the present
start overlapping on me
am i sinking to the bottom
or surfacing toward the gleam?
I’m detached from my sense
Of self, this is extreme
and it’s strange in this state
how i start to feel at peace
How much time has passed?
It feels like eternity
But it's only a moment
Seconds, only 80
It's only one stage
A phase of the journey
(Cough)
And then i feel it calm
As the ground touches my feet
i made it to the shore
open my eyes to see
more trees, more thorns
the forest runs pretty deep
how many more times
will i see similar scenes
Going through the spiral
Stages seem to repeat
not exactly the same
But not completely discrete
this journey is so hard
been everywhere in between
but i get up and walk
the Spirit keeps calling me
and I’m not gonna stop
till every demon flees
i know i’m getting close
just don’t know how many weeks
calluses on my hands and
scars all over my feet
don’t have any band aids
so i write notes when i bleed
(Washing hands)
(Breath)
(Paper towel rips)
(Drying hands and face)
(Breath)
(Door)
(Forest footsteps)
