This week, we followed up with your questions in regards to this series on parenting, marriage, aging, and what to do when you hit a wall.
Question: This series seems to be all about loving others: aging parents; adult children, etc. Is love a "heart" or an "act," What is the Biblical definition of love?
The Bible talks about love in both ways - love is both a feeling as well as an action. Love is mentioned in the bible - depending on the translation - anywhere between 300 and 900 times. Jesus’ love was full of action - culminating with the greatest act of love on the cross. So, if his command is to love each other as He has loved us - that kind of love is full of action. Jesus calls us to love each other through action.
Question: How do I overcome the guilt and shame that I feel for the damage I caused to my now adult children?
Much of the guilt and shame comes from the fact that as we grow older and have a chance to see things in different ways, we begin to wonder about some of the things we did when we were raising our children when we were younger and we come to understand how those things have affected our now-adult children. This question really touches on two separate aspects of life: one is the guilt and shame we feel inwardly about our past actions as parents and secondly, the relationship we now have with our adult children... a relationship that may very well need healing. The first thing we have to do is to admit to our adult children that we know what we did to them and that we know that what we did was wrong and harmful. Then ask for forgiveness.
Question: There were a couple of questions related to the idea of putting others first in your life. How does that affect your relationship with God?
Your relationship with God is always first - it should be the top priority. You need time with God in order to have the discernment and wisdom to make the right choices, set the right boundaries, and have difficult conversations. Put your relationship with God first - abide in Him - engage with Him - listen to the Holy Spirit - and that will absolutely guide you and carry you in all aspects of your life.
Question: How do I influence my adult child when they see the world so differently?
How do you get your adult son or daughter to realize your view of the world - your understanding of Jesus - is right? You don't. No amount of arguing or persuading or posting on Facebook is going to convince your child to change their minds. Why? Because they are coming from an entirely different cultural framework than you are. Don't try to "fix" them. It's only going to backfire. Instead, get to work on yourself. When that fruit is abundant in our lives, the message of Jesus preaches itself. People are drawn to that kind of living. Including your sons and daughters. Adult children? Are you appalled at your parents' beliefs? Work on yourself. It's the exact same message I gave to your parents. Let them see the fruit of the Spirit in your life.
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'You Were Made for More' because God created you ON purpose FOR a purpose. This is the vision of Grace Church, led by Pastor Barry Rodriguez and based in Indianapolis, IN.
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