Stephen Covey in his bestselling book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, defines the fifth habit as, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Seeking real understanding affirms the other person and what they have to say. That's what they want. That's what we all want --to be understood, valued and affirmed.
John F. Kennedy, in his Inaugural Address, delivered on January 20, 1961, said, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” That’s what we all want, to be part of a greater whole, in which what we give is magnified in that which we will receive in turn.
There is no true spirituality, I believe, in which one only seeks to understand, but not to be equally understood, and in which one seeks only to do, but not to have done for them as well. As a matter-a-fact, I will suggest that only doing and giving, in a relationship, without being willing to receive, is maybe the worst form of being passive-aggressive in a relationship, because love, caring and commitment is created in the giving, and not in the receiving. Thus, by only understanding and giving, without allowing for the other to understand and to give, is to only allow for your own feelings in a relationship, without allowing for, nor making any room for the other’s feeling.
Thus, in a spiritual relationship, it must be a two-way relationship, in which each are both, giving and receiving, help from each other.
This lecture is based primarily on a maamor the Rebbe delivered, on this Shabbat in 1969, exploring the spiritual depth of the verse (-Psalms 111:8), “Steadfast forever, made in truth and uprightness,” according to the interpretation of the holy Zohar.
